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"That was a great job," or "Your thoughtfulness is appreciated very much."

Quality Time

Lack of quality time in any relationship can be emotionally damaging. The individual with this love language gets his emotional tank filled as those who love him give him undivided attention. If a child does not receive "quality time", he may begin to act out in order to gain attention. His faulty belief system will suggest to him that "any attention is better than no attention." "Quality Time" doesn't necessitate traveling to different places or even spending a lot of money. It does require focused attention on the one who needs it.

Giving Gifts

Gifts are often used as expressions of love from one person to another. Gift givers frequently also speak this language and will enjoy being given to. Gifts need not be costly to be effective in communicating love. Sometimes parents miss a child's need for this language. Chapman cautions his readers not to shower those they love with gifts while excluding over ways of communicating love. Too often gift-giving becomes a poor substitute for not having enough quality time.

Acts of Service

When a wife tells her husband that she feels most loved when he helps out around the house, she is revealing that "acts of Service" is her love language. Married couples who engage in doing for one another are keeping each other's emotional tanks full by ministering to each other. Parents who look for opportunities to serve their children are teaching them how to become adults who can both give and receive.

Chapman's straight-forward approach to learning how to identify the love languages of spouses, children, and others, challenges us to implement what we have learned and watch what happens. He maintains that relationships will flourish, security and love will be felt, and individuals will develop healthy self-esteem. Chapman dares us to tap into the reservoir of potential love languages and get ready to experience love as we never have before.

Learn more about this author, Dr. Deborah Bauers.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

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