Gary Chapman's book entitled "The Five Love Languages" has helped thousands of readers around the world understand how to fill the emotional tanks of those they love. His work continues to fill a niche all its own and his unique understanding of the human psyche has enabled him to produce a best seller that speaks to heart of every man's desire; the yearning to feel loved.
Gary understands that people who truly love each other can still miss the mark when trying to demonstrate their love in a way that can be received. His book makes us aware that there are five love languages and that every human being has at least one of them. He teaches that every individual, regardless of age or stage in life, can learn to convey love in a way that will show respect, emotional closeness, and unconditional love.
Over the years, as a mental health practitioner, I have used numerous resources to provide insight and education as well as pathways to healing. Chapman's book is ranked one of the top five resources in my library. I have consistently seen "The Five Love Languages" as a tool to repair emotional damage and restore hope in the lives of those struggling with relationship issues.
Chapman identifies five distinct ways in which love can be communicated from one person to another. He stresses the importance of identifying how love is demonstrated between two people. By familiarizing ourselves with each of these styles of giving and receiving love, we can achieve stronger marriages and families as well as greater emotional responsiveness.
Physical Touch
Communicating love with physical touch is much easier for some individuals. Parents who are raised in homes where hugs and kisses were an everyday part of interaction find it much easier to engage in playful touch and in cuddling their own children. Spouse's who have grown up in families with parents who were demonstrative will frequently find that "physical touch" is their language of choice. Although we all need to be physically touched, those who communicate love with this language will require even more touching than others. Physical Touch communicates acceptance and worth as well as love.
Words of Affirmation
Words can be powerful in communicating love. Chapman describes their benefit by saying, "Such words are like a gentle, warm rain falling on the soul." This love language expresses itself in words of appreciation, praise, and encouragement. Some individuals need to hear frequent verbal affirmations like, "I love you sweetie," "That was a great job," or "Your thoughtfulness is appreciated very much."
Quality Time
Lack of quality time in any relationship can be emotionally damaging. The individual with this love language gets his emotional tank filled as those who love him give him undivided attention. If a child does not receive "quality time", he may begin to act out in order to gain attention. His faulty belief system will suggest to him that "any attention is better than no attention." "Quality Time" doesn't necessitate traveling to different places or even spending a lot of money. It does require focused attention on the one who needs it.
Giving Gifts
Gifts are often used as expressions of love from one person to another. Gift givers frequently also speak this language and will enjoy being given to. Gifts need not be costly to be effective in communicating love. Sometimes parents miss a child's need for this language. Chapman cautions his readers not to shower those they love with gifts while excluding over ways of communicating love. Too often gift-giving becomes a poor substitute for not having enough quality time.
Acts of Service
When a wife tells her husband that she feels most loved when he helps out around the house, she is revealing that "acts of Service" is her love language. Married couples who engage in doing for one another are keeping each other's emotional tanks full by ministering to each other. Parents who look for opportunities to serve their children are teaching them how to become adults who can both give and receive.
Chapman's straight-forward approach to learning how to identify the love languages of spouses, children, and others, challenges us to implement what we have learned and watch what happens. He maintains that relationships will flourish, security and love will be felt, and individuals will develop healthy self-esteem. Chapman dares us to tap into the reservoir of potential love languages and get ready to experience love as we never have before.