by Carmella Cyr

Created on: September 26, 2008

Instant gratification, stuck in a mud puddle and no where to go. Success
is not my thing. I need to rest my mind. Childhood was difficult. Dad is a beast.
Mom is a creative imp. I am tired, stifled and unfed. The air is humid
here in Greenwich Village. Cockroaches delight wake me at midnight. I feed on
a few chips and coke to lose the moment. My life continues like a slug. No less

then a slug. A slug, at least, has a goal to be sluggish. Five AM the alarm goes
off. My jeans go on. My LL Bean tee from the thrift shop goes on. My handmade
artsy beanie cap from Mom goes on. I get a hot cup of coffee. Sip it, take in the
Zen moment, get out my sketchpad, and draw.
I draw you, me and New York City. I draw your upset, I draw your anxiety. I feel
your fear and mimic your style. I want to help you be in the moment. I draw what
I see. An Armani suit wearing an expression of desperation. I draw the desperation.
Your suit is stained and you just can't see it. Heightened awareness reflects off
my art pad. My pencil shakes. Your hurriedness and anxiety jumps off the paper.
I empathize with you Armani. You tread water to succeed. Your kids don't like you.
You don't like you. Was the suit really worth it? Can you change it. Do you
see anyone or anything else in the mirror but your desires? or is the water
too shallow.
I am gifted with the ability to draw. I am gladly an imp of an imp.
Zen, Yoga, Buddha, God. I see them all in you and me. Time now for an afternoon
cookie and coffee. My pay was a gift of $10 from a tourist of Macy's. Her little
girl like art. Today was a good day. Today was another day of being aware of
who I am, what my gift is and how I can share it with others.
Today I am an artist, struggling by choice. Today I am artist humbled by
others expressions of joy, sadness, anxiety, confusion, hate, turmoil, inquisitiveness
trust, and lack of trust. Today I am amazed at how much is missing in this world.
Today I thank God for what I do have and what I can share. My gift.My gift to you is
what you really look like. My gift to you is to promote awareness of who you are, what
you've become, where your going and how you are getting there. Don't look at me. Look,
look, you fool, at you. This portrait, twisted lips of steel, empty, soulless eyes,
is you. I caught you on a glimpse. It is you man as you are. Armani doesn't come with a soul. Armani does nothing for a fool like you. I want to gift you with awareness. Use it well, my
friend. Use it well.

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