by Vicki Phipps

Created on: September 26, 2008

When commitment to marriage is one sided, the one committed to the marriage becomes a, "legally married single parent." You'll live the enigmatic life of being married and single at the same time, without the benefits of either life. That's why my friends and family used to refer to me as the, "golf widow." No one could understand why I'd remain committed to a marriage that in fact, did not exist but for the legal document. Being a golf widow was like being tied to a man who didn't have the decency to die, so that I could grieve and get on with my life.

With a one sided commitment, I had no life as a golfer's wife, so the bitterness in my mind began to brew and stew over time. As justified as it seemed, bitterness is like taking a poisonous brew and waiting expectantly for the other guy to die. You see, bitterness only poisons one life at a time, and mine was poisoning mine. That's why I've derived a list of tips on how to survive and how to move beyond surviving a one sided commitment in married life.

WHEN COMMITMENT TO MARRIAGE IS ONE SIDED: A LIST OF SURVIVAL TIPS

1. Know what commitment means and who you are marrying.

If you don't want to end up in a one sided marriage, pay attention to who you're dating. If the guy procrastinates and is always late for your date, this fact can be a red flag that says he can't commit to anything, much less to you or marriage. Be aware and prepared for the reality that what you see in him as a date is exactly how he'll be after the wedding date.

My single, one sided married life began at the age of eighteen, when I was too young and dumb to know what commitment means, much less how long forever takes at the age of eighteen and married to someone who was as young and dumb as I used to be. It was a rude awakening, to say the least. Since he remained as young and dumb as me, we ended up spending twenty-five years of our lives behaving as young and dumb people do. We were so young and dumb that the only time we spent as husband and wife, produced three human beings to add to our young and dumb way of living, so it's important to be aware of the responsibility you'll take on, alone and on your own, when you don't know what commitment means or who you are marrying.

2. Know exactly with whom you should choose to be committed, through a one sided view.

The truth is that if it hadn't been for my children, I'd have never known what commitment means, so I had no clue that before anyone would become committed to me, I'd have to become

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