by Todd Pheifer

Created on: September 26, 2008   Last Updated: September 28, 2008

Whenever I introduce my spouse to someone, I usually say, "This is my wife." I don't introduce her as my best friend, but I suppose it would still be true. For whatever reason, our society has an expectation that married partners will introduce each other by their spousal status.

To state the obvious, a marriage relationship is a very unique relational situation. When a man and a woman decide to get married, they are committing to longevity, continuity, and a sustained desire to live "happily ever after." Granted, that may sound a bit cliche, but in theory the marriage relationship is the most significant human relationship of many people's lives. There certainly isn't a law that suggests a man and woman must be close friends before they get married, but it certainly helps make the years more enjoyable. Here are a few thoughts on how the relationship between man and wife can be the closest of friendships.

DEFINITION OF INTIMACY

When a man and woman get married, they are entering into a relationship that can represent true intimacy between two people. Too often people hear the word "intimacy" and automatically think of sexuality. Granted, sexuality is part of intimacy but it isn't everything in the relationship. Intimacy is about closeness, vulnerability, and a willingness to be truly open and honest with the other person. That includes sexuality but it also includes dialogue, commonality, and working through tough situations in life. Also, intimacy will not happen just because people get married. It must be developed over time through trust and shared experiences.

THE "REAL" YOU

What also defines the closeness of a marriage friendship is the ability to be the "real" you when one is around his or her spouse. This again relates to intimacy because a close marriage relationship is a situation where the spouses "truly" know each other. They know when the person is happy or upset without having to ask. They start to know what the other person is thinking with just a knowing look. They are also able to confess thoughts, feelings, and frustrations to their spouse that they cannot confess to anyone else. A spouse is able to tell something to their partner without having to ask them to keep it to themselves. This is again the sign of a very close friendship.

LONGEST-RUNNING RELATIONSHIP

Ideally, the marriage friendship will also be one of the longest-running and most significant friendship in a person's lifetime. Granted, some people have friendships from childbirth to death, and obviously not all marriage relationships succeed. Sometimes people have good intentions going into marriage, but they never get to the point where they are truly best friends. However, those couples that celebrate fifty or sixty years of marriage have truly stood the test of time and made their intimate friendship last.

WHAT ABOUT "OTHER" CLOSE FRIENDS?

Granted, married people do need other close friends and it is proper for them to maintain those relationships. Sometimes people need a "sounding board" or an objective third person in order to process some of the challenges in their relationships. Still, the marriage relationship is ideally going to outrank all those other friendships in terms of depth and commitment. That closeness will not happen automatically. Rather, the couple in close friendship must continually work at their relationship so as to deepen and strengthen it over time. Only then, will they grow and develop into "best" friends. I love my wife dearly and I am proud to say that she is my best friend.

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