by Todd Pheifer

Created on: September 26, 2008

It isn't difficult to find a marriage author, speaker, or "expert" who touts the importance of communication as a key part of a successful marriage. However, the specifics and methodologies of that communication can be the challenging part, rather than just a willingness to connect and dialogue. Gary Chapman's best-selling book, The Five Love Languages, takes an in-depth look at how couples communicate through various methodologies. He suggests that couples tend to connect on a few different levels, and that communication is more than just verbal. Here is a brief summary of his thoughts and how they are manifested in his book, The Five Love Languages.

SPEAKING THE LANGUAGES

Without giving away too much of the book content, here is a brief summary of Chapman's "languages". He suggests that we as couples communicate through "Words of Affirmation", "Quality Time", "Receiving Gifts", "Acts of Service", and "Physical Touch." Words of Affirmation refer, in general, to things we say to each other in a positive or encouraging manner. Quality Time is increments that a couple spends together focusing on each other, such as a date. Receiving Gifts are tangible items that are given on occasions or "just because". Acts of Service are tasks that are completed with the other person's needs in mind. Finally, Physical Touch refers to sexuality, but also simple affection such as holding hands or sitting close together. While his principles are not based on extensive research or quantitative measures, they do provide an interesting and practical framework that is applicable to both men and women.

THE BOOK ITSELF

Overall, the book is very easy to read and it provides quality questions and examples for individuals or couples to work through. There is some redundancy in the second half of the book once Dr. Chapman introduces the five love languages in the first half, but it is not really distracting enough to take away from the book. The current version of the book comes with a comprehensive study guide, which can be extremely helpful in applying the material. Most couples or Bible study groups should be able to get through the fourteen chapters of the book without much difficulty. For those readers who enjoy Dr. Chapman's writing, there are other versions of the book for men, children, teens, and singles.

APPLICATION

This is the type of book that can be read individually or as a couple. However, it may be most effective when used in a small group or Bible study setting. When couples share their stories and their experiences, it can broaden the experience and give other examples of how the love languages are manifested with others. Granted, the material is enhanced when there is a certain level of trust between couples in a group, but that is typically a factor regardless of the book being read. Also, individual couples must be willing to admit what their preferred love languages are, and be willing to accept analysis from others if they see things differently. In general, Dr. Chapman's book is a good resource for building communication between couples. The "love languages" are practical constructs that can give couples something definitive to work on as they seek to communicate better as a couple.

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