by Gary Rushworth

Created on: September 25, 2008   Last Updated: November 01, 2008

Stumbling Through My Fifties

As little as ten years ago, in my forties, the idea of a mid-life crises looming in my future made no sense. Life made frequent turns and twists - that's true. Often, I found myself going in one direction only to turn a corner where another challenge waited to be overcome. Life was not dull by any means and each day ended with a sense of accomplishment. There was nothing I couldn't handle. So, I thought.

Now, at fifty-five, I am broke; I own nothing; I am out of work and living with my parents. I have $ 62.42 in a 401-K after working my whole life. Had I to cash it in, half would go to taxes, fees and penalties and the other half to a one borderline decent meal, eaten by myself while trying to discern the vintage of a particular brand of bottled water.

I live day-to-day, in a world where the financial structure of the strongest country in that world is crumbling; people are watching their life savings disappear and their houses being foreclosed upon; unemployment is rocketing skyward. Yet, if it all collapsed tomorrow and there was no TV, or newspapers to tell me, I wouldn't even know it. Nothing would change; And that, is the source of my mid-life crises. No matter what people say, it is not hitting the pavement that kills you, it is the stress of the fall. The pavement merely stops the pain. But what do you do when the pavement is not an option?

What do you do? You stand up and open the door in front of you! What do you have to loose? You have a 50/50 chance things will get better. All thing considered, those are damn good odds. You see, I know what it is like to loose everything to fall in a pit without a rope and see your life pass in front of your eyes. And do you know what? You get through it and keep moving. If you don't you are no better than dust on the floor waiting to swept into a pan and taken away. Remember, someone has to clean up the mess left behind. Personally, I would rather be cleaning up the mess than being swept away.

You can spend your time looking back and wishing you could go back or do things differently or you can open the door and stare into the blackness and find your way. I promise; it will be worth the trip. Destiny is a roll of the dice. There are instant winners; there are those that have to work hard to make their point and some who lose. But it is a chance. If you don't play, you'll never win.

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