by writerkfnr

Created on: September 25, 2008

Romance novels, happily-ever-after-movies, and internet ads of couples on fantastic honeymoon get-a-ways- all share a common thread- they sentimentalize the marital commitment.

Marriage can be described as a dance, such as the Waltz, Mambo or Foxtrot that require "Two to Tango."
Parties need to know when to lead and follow; they need to understand their partner's strengths and weaknesses; they need to work together as a team; they need to have fun together; but most importantly, they need to be willing to give it their "all."

The blessing of uniting with your "soul mate" in marriage is balanced against facing challenges which will inevitably test the marital bond. It is only after marriages are "put to the test" either by suffering through financial difficulties, illness, infertility, infidelity or a host of other life challenges, does the issue of commitment blind you, just as that ominous deer in the headlights.

When challenges do occur in a marriage, the tendency many times, is to place blame on one party rather than taking on the responsibility of trying to find a solution. The specific circumstances may have been precipitated by an occurrence to only one of the parties, for example, the husband is laid off from his job, but the solution requires action by both parties.

These challenges should not send you directly to divorce court but should rather motivate you to engage in a "plan of action" to preserve your union.

The first step requires that both parties acknowledge that there is a challenge to address. It is not unusual that only one partner can clearly identify the issue. An identification of the issue should not be based on a single incident, i.e., you lost your job, but rather, "Now that our income stream has been altered, what types of changes need to be made in the household to move forward until the financial situation improves?"

The difficulty arises when the "non-identifying" partner either does not want to acknowledge the issue or having acknowledged the issue is not willing to work toward a solution.

But...there is still hope. The parties have to be willing to grow, willing to break free of their "comfort zone" to preserve their relationship. Many couples seek the assistance of professionals, family or friends.

Once you realize there is a challenge to overcome, have identified the issue, and you and your spouse have a plan of action, it is then time to evaluate your efforts.

This process will reveal whether the one-sided marriage has matured into a two-sided one. It may take a few months but do not, under any circumstances, let it drag out longer that a year.

What does that mean? That means that your time here is limited, as with all of us, do not continue to invest your life in a relationship that does not do justice to you.

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