by Mona Rigdon

Created on: September 24, 2008   Last Updated: January 09, 2011

Harmony within a family can sometimes seem like the ever-elusive dream. Large families with several children can often feel like they are living in a zoo! Just like any other type of relationship, family relationships must be nurtured and cultivated. Each person within the family has to be encouraged to be themselves, but in a way that is respectful to others. Each person must also realize that trust and respect are earned by action, and not words, Finally, families must communicate with one another frequently and effectively.

Every Person is an Individual
No one wants to be thought of as just a small part of a whole, and sometimes others tend to lump siblings together. Each child needs to be recognized as an individual with valuable thoughts, talents, and contributions. Further, parents should also cultivate their own identities. Mothers who identify themselves as chauffeurs or maids aren't generally very happy. Mom might also be a brilliant attorney, or a talented artist. Dad (or Mom) might whip the pants off of every poker player in town. No matter what the unique traits may be, each person should be encouraged to develop themselves individually and independently as well.

This is not to say that each person should run around the house at five a.m. practicing cheers or singing audition songs, despite parents and siblings attempting to rest nearby. Children and adults can find productive ways to pursue their interests without infringing upon other people selfishly and disrespectfully. With more than one child, there are bound to be disagreements and even blowups. However, siblings must be taught to handle differences fairly and calmly.

Every Person Must Earn Trust and Respect
Trust and respect are privileges that are earned. Sisters that borrow clothing without asking or who don't repay loans or favors equitably become upset when siblings stop trusting them. Parents that scream at children but expect children to control their tempers are likely to only lose respect further using this tactic. Each person, adults included must understand the importance of keeping promises, and handling conflict in a mature way. Children must understand the importance and function of rules.

People are more likely to obey rules if they understand them. Having a family meeting to discuss rules and boundaries, and consequences will allow all family members input and insight into how each person feels, what they think, and may even help resolve lingering issues. If children

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