by Angel1

Created on: September 24, 2008   Last Updated: October 09, 2008

I never did love him in the end. He pushed me away all the time. I couldn't stop it. We had finally got in contact by facebook three weeks ago, but I had the feeling all the time that he was seeing someone else. It was unfair. Finally, I found someone else. He was called Tony.

At soccer aid I had tried to see Rob but to no avail. No "hello" was possible. For five years I had wanted to see him, I had the feeling that he was using me for his music career. I wasn't even sure that it was him on facebook. But who else could it have been? Robbie Williams was his name.

He had not wanted to take the limelight away from the players who had given their time to play for a good cause.

Anyway, the plentyoffish.com website had been useful. I didn't know how far I would go with this relationship but at least he was keen to see me. It was a boost to my confidence and self esteem. I didn't feel like a relationship but thought I'd go for it.

Well, two weeks later and he was standing me up that was Tony. Bob had actually phoned the day before, but I kept it to myself. Was he really Robbie Williams, the singer. I was so flustered that I didn't think to ask him. I had mentioned Robbie Williams to Tony not that he was actually a singer but the fact that I thought that I still had feelings for someone I had met five years previously, but that I would try to move on.

I had gone to the concert in Milan but there were too many people there. What chance did I have to apologise to him for giving him the runaround?

I was beginning to give up on Tony. He was a lost cause. He had said that he would phone me up. But it was beginning to rain outside. Nothing seemed to be going right. Would it ever. I was frustrated. I wanted to go to Hollywood but would I ever? I was going to go on a neurolinguistic programming course in a weeks time. I was frustrated. My friends weren't answering my emails. How could I get over this?

I had come off my pills, which were for depression, and schizophrenia. I had hated the doctors. They just wanted me to hang around their surgeries to pay their salaries. I wanted to do something meaningful, like heal others properly, rather than use people.

There was going to be a change in this world and I was going to make it big time. Nobody was going to stop me. I had a strong feeling that I could make this work.

Grrr life! - as a last resort, I accused him by text of being a womaniser, but then things just didn't feel right. I didn't have a job and I couldn't maintain a loving relationship.

In the end, I decided to wait a while and make a load of friends, especially friends from New Zealand, going to the gym, exercising on the running machine, visiting the swimming pool, sauna and steam room and above all, keeping in contact with my parents. I also hit the bottle, but only at 2 glasses a day. It relaxed me a little.

I was going to wait for my true soulmate.

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