by Charmaine Ragpala

Created on: September 24, 2008

I got pregnant young; 17 in fact. It seems more and more like a regularly accepted thing in society today. For me, I had become the statistic. It was embarassing. Not the pregnant part- but the statistic part. My father had been silenced and my mother a outspoken. I suppose both were equally shocked. I imagine that my teenage pregnancy was the worst of their unspoken fears.

9 months later I bore a healthy baby boy. Though underneath the joy of giving birth and having a healthy child I always felt a little resentful. My own karma came back to burst my comfortable bubble of an anticipated life and my extremely large dreams. So I married the father of my child and the man I thought was the love of my life.

As time passed and I held my son in my arms, the whole world seemed to only get larger. He was tiny and I only had two hands to hold him. All of a sudden I realized I had to use the same two hands to raise him, to love him, to discipline him. The same to hands to build him a world full of love, truth, non-violence, spirituality, individuality, respect and manner. I never imagined such a little man would need so much. You can not fully grasp the magnitude of parental responsibility without actually having such obligation. I fell in love with this 8 pounds of flesh and blood. A kin of my own. I made him. He is every bit of me.

As nights passed and he grew every inch of himself in front my very eyes, I had to build him a world and hold it together. There is no greater measure of selflessness than to be a parent. There was no greater joy than to hold my son close; to smell his hair and kiss his head. I had found the true love of my life.

After a year of incredible joy and change, I got into a really car accident. I rolled my truck with my son in the passenger seat and 3 months along a new life was growing in my belly. I cracked 3 ribs, sliced my spleen, broken open the flesh on my leg all the way to the bone, and all I cared about was my son. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't focus. I couldn't get to him. After a life of being in control, I had no control over this. It was the moment I feared the most. No one fore warns you that life you can't save your kids from everything.

I don't know what happened after I got into the helicopter. They tell me my 1 year old son had to ride in an ambulance all alone. Every emotion took me over at that moment. I ached and I cried; I was scared out of my wits. In the end God had a handle on my life and the life of my children more than

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