by Celeste Lane

Created on: September 23, 2008

Let me begin by extending this title to read:

"Substance Abuse Among Nurses, a Personal Saga."

I left highschool with all the naivete of an 18 year old girl and entered college with fresh face and the firm conviction that I had found my path and was on my way to a fulfilling and noble career as a professional nurse. This was to be true, however, the path was much more life changing than I could ever imagine!

My first position after graduating was as an Oncology nurse on a busy floor where I was solely responsible for up to 20 patients. Let me insert here that I graduated in 1977. Things were much different then in that most, if not all of my patients ultimately died of their disease. Chemotherapy and Radiation treatments were in their infancy. Early detection was non-existant. No mammograms or MRI's. I mixed and administered toxic chemotherapeutic drugs myself, on a regular floor, without the protective gear that is commonly used today, and without the constant monitoring of vital signs demanded in modern polices and procedures. I say this as a preamble of sorts to all that came thereafter.

I became very familiar with death and dying. It was my constant companion and sooner or later all of my patients died before me. Everyone of them was resusitated vigourously and without consideration of dignity or the inevitable outcome. There were no patients designated as "no code". It was in this unit that I learned that I had the innate ability to comfort the dying and often would sit holding their hand as they sometimes passed away totally alone.
I was 22 years old at the time.

Two years later I found myself working in ICU at a Level I Trauma Center. One of the first of it's kind. Trauma medicine is a direct descendant of the M.A.S.H units of the Korean war and the Viet Nam era. A Trauma nurse is a homebound M.A.S.H. nurse only, in my case, I never went home from the frontline of the battleground for 12 long years.

Like all of my peers, Doctors, Nurses and Respiratory Therapists alike, I often indulged in afterhour binges of alcohol and recreational drugs. I worked 12 hour shifts at night and became familiar with the alcoholics that rose at dawn and headed for the local bar for their first fix of the day. Think of the popular T.V. show M.A.S.H and you will get the picture. That show was dead on accurate. The "black death" humor was right on pitch. Only post-war soldiers and our little society knew how close it cut.

I never diverted Narcotics for my own use while working

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