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No, it is definitely not acceptable for a parent to vent to their children about the other parent. Parents are adults and they should have the ability to resist the urge to vent their problems and frustrations on to their child or children.
I have been on the receiving end of this situation one time too many. My parents didn't get along for years and for some reason thought it necessary for them to talk about the other to me and my two brothers.

Mind you, the age of the child determines what level of harm the venting will do. In my case, it started at about age nine. As I listened to one parent describe her unhappiness about the other, I don't think I really understood what was going on and I simply shrugged it off. I really couldn't relate to what she was talking about.

As the years went by and I got older, it began to become a problem for all three of us, affecting each of us in different ways As much as I now empathized with the situation she was in, I was a daddy's girl through and through and I didn't want to hear anything negative about my father, even if it was coming from my mother. I began to resent her. I loved him and her criticism of him only made me rebel and want to be closer to him. Every time there was any type of disagreement between the two of them, my brothers and I were no longer her children. We were her friends, her confidents. It wasn't fair to us. She should have talked to a friend, a pastor, him; anyone but us!

Whatever problems were going on between the two of them had nothing to do with us. After a while, my brothers who took the brunt of this criticism about my father began to reject, dislike and eventually disrespect him. They in turn resented him and it took a long time for him to figure out why. Sadly to say, doing this left her with a sense of gratification because they always took her side. You know, they were mamas' boys. What else would they do?
I strongly disagree with this method of parenting. Their problems weren't our problems. The effects of it can be devastating to the family as a whole, but especially the children. There are many factors that can increase this effect. Some of the factors included in this are age, gender, and seriousness of the venting.

The relationship between my father and my brothers are affected to this day. Every time something comes up relating to any kind of incident involving the disintegration of the family, my brothers bring up things that they should not have any knowledge of about him and I do the same about her. This has changed their opinion of him as a father and mine of her as a mother, but the saddest thing of all it that is has changed our opinions of them as a woman, a man, a father and a mother.

I feel sorry for everyone involved. It has created a rift in the family where one side is forced to turn their back against the other. Parents should appear as a united front to their children. The children should feel secure with the fact that no matter what goes on between their parents they are loved and they will always be a family. They should not be viewed as separate entities who want to claim victory over the other. Everyone has their opinion, but children have no place in their parents' marriage. It serves no purpose and is only a means to a definite end.

So I say to you married people; those who are newlyweds to those who have been in it for twenty years. Keep your problems to yourself and give your children the peace and happiness they deserve.

Learn more about this author, Edith Myers.
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