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connection between my husband's body and mine. The way Andy pulled his fingers through my hair and wrapped his arms around me indicated he was feeling something similar. Kayla excused herself and slipped into Jacob's room, closing the door softly behind her.

Andy and I made our way down the long hall and escaped into the privacy of our bedroom. My husband's tears blended into mine as our bodies fought together against the worst kind of grief imaginable. Afterward, we held on to one another and cried the kind of tears only an anguished parent would cry.

After Andy and I had composed ourselves enough to meet with our parents and our pastor in Jacob's room, I found myself frozen in the hallway. I wanted to run to Jacob and hold him, but I also wanted to turn around and run in the other direction. Nothing ever prepares you for the moment you are going to say goodbye to your own child. I wasn't ready for that moment to come. I felt an icy fear take hold of my body. Just the day before Jacob was awake and talking to me. He was looking into my eyes, smiling. He put his hand to my cheek and said, "Mommy, I love you. When I'm in heaven, I will miss you the most." And then he had fallen to sleep. It was the last time my son spoke to me. I wanted that moment back. Please, just give me that one moment back.

The pastor began saying a prayer and everyone bowed their heads. I somehow made my way to the bedside and I knelt down to clutch Jacob's hand in mine. I have no idea how much time passed or when the prayers ended. I didn't notice when Kayla left or when my pastor said goodbye. My parents and Andy's mother stayed the whole night, as did the hospice volunteer. I never left the bedside. I couldn't bring myself to leave the bedside. At one point, I curled up in bed with Jacob. With my arms wrapped around him I whispered in his ear the story of his birth, told him about meeting and falling in love with his father, and expressed how lucky I was to be his mother. It wasn't until the following morning, when Kayla knelt down beside me and nodded her head, that I even realized it was over. Just like that, my precious boy was gone.

Learn more about this author, Jennifer Pemberton.
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