by Rebecca Healy

Created on: January 13, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

In attempting to work through the black fog that consumed me for years, the first ray of light came from realising that I had nothing to be ashamed of.

The problem with being depressed is that it can't be seen by the average person, as a teenager I didn't look sick in class, as a child I didn't look desparate and lost to a parent.

If I had a broken leg or a heart problem, it would be acceptable to not join in on group activites, to be distracted or to fall behind academically.

When there is nothing physically wrong, I was lazy, aloof or arrogant.
When asked what was wrong with me, all I knew is that I was tired and I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't know what to say, other than something was wrong with me.

A doctor finally diagnosed me, and initially I was relieved. I had something to explain how I had been feeling, and now I could start to get better.

The response I received from those who I confided in was
'What do you have to be depressed about?'

This compounded my own feelings of guilt that possibly my life wasn't THAT bad, but at the same time I was angry at having to justify being ill. Many people go through a period of depression after illness or trauma that they can work through with or without help.
Just like every person is different, the way people deal with stress or depression is different. Personally, there was no specific incident that triggered my feelings, just an ongoing gradual build up until normal activites were too hard to master on my own.

Other symptoms that can be seen by others include

- being sensitive to criticism
- overeating or not eating
- can't sleep or oversleeping
- not wanting to go to school or work, for no particular reason

(see depression.com for more sign and symptoms)

You can feel like you are in a dream, or there is a cloud over you all the time. Sometimes there is no concrete thoughts or feelings and every day is just about doing the bare minimum to get through. Sometime there are thoughts of ending it all, generally or specific ways of doing so.

Can be scary stuff.

BUT it does not have to be the end of the world, thankfully, with the right support and understanding we can emerge on the other side and carry on with our lives.

Information and support is available online at

www.depression.com
www.beyondblue.org.au

as well as many other sites.

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