by Rebecca Healy

Created on: January 13, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

My parents divorced when I was seven years old, so for years my sister and I endured the snide comments and derogatory remarks each made against the other after a far from amicable separation.

Twenty years later I am beginning my own family and more now than at any other time I am considering the massive impact this environment had on us.

I feel that I am lucky, I have somehow managed to come to view my parents as two totally separate individuals and to appreciate the fantastic characteristics that I can share with them, things I would not have experienced had they stayed together. I often wonder how they could have ever shared the same space as long as they did!

However, I have always found it to be a bit cliched in movies when the parents tell the child 'it is not your fault'. I wonder how many parents actually say that and then go on about how terrible a person the other was, as if the whole union was a mistake - my parents did this and for the longest time I felt that not even I was a good enough reason for them to have ever have met, so what good am I?

It is hard to be a pre teen and have to master the arts of negotioation and tact just to be with your parents, and yet to pull a positive out of even that, I can say with confidence that I have enviable conflict management skills.

Every obstacle is just a stepping stone to becoming a more fulfilled person. You just have to learn to ask yourself 'What did I need to get through that situation?'.

Every single time, there is something you did to cope, and when you look at the list at that end of the day, you realise just how strong you really are.

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