by Gayle Mackenzie

Created on: September 22, 2008   Last Updated: September 25, 2008

For me the importance of having children has been tremendous. My first son was born when I was eighteen years old, the same age as my biological mother when she gave me up for adoption. Was I subconsciously trying to prove something? When I look back now it makes me wonder. I spent every waking hour with him cuddling and talking to him. He became my whole world.

Adopted children tend to have problems establishing lasting relationships with people. From what I understand it has to do with the bonding between a mother and baby from the time of birth. I spent the first four months of my life in foster care. Not to say that I was neglected, but there wasn't any motherly bonding going on. I was well fed and clean that's all that mattered back then. But it does explain why I am so uncomfortable when people, other than my children, touch or hug me.

As a small child I remember bombarding my mother with questions about where and whom I came from. My adoption had been closed, as they were back then and these were all questions my mother couldn't answer. I didn't want to know the answers to these questions so that I could go looking for my mother, although I did find her as an adult, I just wanted to know because I was curious. It wasn't because I wanted a different life I just wanted to know the answers to the questions that everyone else in my family knew about themselves.

Unless you are adopted you can't truly understand the yearning of having a real blood connection with someone. It has been my experience that un-adopted people tend to think we the adopted should just be grateful for getting a good family and forget all of the rest. It's not that I'm not grateful because I am. I love my parents and sister very much but that doesn't change the facts of my existence. How am I supposed to forget all of the rest when it's a part of who I am?

Every time I have been asked for my families medical history I have been reminded that I don't have any. Every time someone did a genealogy tree I was reminded that I couldn't make one. Every time I attend a family reunion I was reminded that I didn't look like anyone there.

Now that I have two biological sons of my own it has changed some things. The boys have a medical history even if I'm the only one on their mother's side of the family, they can make a genealogy tree even if it's just a small one and at family unions everyone comments on how much they look like me

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