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I sat in my favorite chair in front of the living room window while I gazed out at the world. All of the lights in the house were off, except for the dull glow coming from the Christmas tree lights. I am not even sure why I bothered to put the tree up when there were no presents to open. There was no family dinner or celebration to look forward to. And, aside from me, nobody else had set foot in my house for months. I suppose a part of me wanted to relive the year before and hold on for as long as I could. I felt the tears threatening me again and I tried to hold my breath so the emotions would just disappear. I wished I could just disappear. I closed my eyes and hoped with all of my might that I would simply fade away.

The slam of a car door startled me out of my morbid meditation. I leaned closer to the window and saw a family of five piling out of the car. I could hear their cheerful voices and excited laughter. I watched as the male, presumably the father, opened the trunk of the car and loaded everyone else's arms with gifts and food. The front door to the house directly across the street opened and my neighbor, Joyce, ran out to greet the family. The youngest boy dropped something and, as he turned around to chase after the item, I got a good look at his face. He looked to be about nine-years-old, with unruly blond hair and a mysterious grin. My hand clenched into a fist and pressed against my lips as a tear slid down my cheek, quickly followed by several more.

The resemblance to Jacob was shocking. So desperate was I to hold my own son in my arms one more time, I found myself standing and walking towards the door. I was on the verge of running into the street and wrapping a stranger's child into my arms simply because he reminded me of my own. I took several deeps breaths and stopped myself in the foyer. I leaned against the wall as I slid down and into a heap on the floor.

The sobs felt as if they traveled through my entire body and fought to make it to the outside, they came with such force. The loneliness I felt in my grief, the quiet of the house, the holiday season, the demise of my family; everything came out at once. A year could make a startling difference and change everything. While I happily celebrated the previous Christmas with my family, I had no idea that my whole world was going to be shattered. I had no idea such a happy, lucky person would end up staring the worst kind of tragedy in the face. And, little did I know I would have to navigate my way through the grief all alone. My husband, the love of my life, had abandoned me because he couldn't cope with the loss.

As I laid on the cold tile of the foyer floor, I realized that it may actually be possible to start my life over again if only I had someone to talk to. I just needed someone I could lean on. I needed a friend who could help me find my way through the darkest hour I had ever lived.

Learn more about this author, Jennifer Pemberton.
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