by Carol Wohlfeil

Created on: September 21, 2008

Things to Consider Before Dating as a Single Parent

On a daily basis a single parent has the tremendous responsibility of fulfilling a dual-parent role. Not only must she be the sole bread winner, but the cookie baker, homework helper, and problem solver as well. By the time the day is done and her children are tucked safely in bed, there is often little energy left to consider her own individual needs.

Socialization and companionship are basic human needs that, if neglected, can lead to loneliness and depression which, in turn, can have a negative effect on parenting abilities. Consequently, a single mother must somehow fit in time to take care of herself, spend time with friends, and even date. By doing so, she will not only be a healthier and happier woman, but a stronger, more confident parent as well.

However, there are things that must be taken into consideration when deciding whether or not social relationships should be taken to the next level of intimacy. Dating, or developing an intimate partner relationship, for the wrong reasons or with the wrong person can have devastating consequences for everyone involved, especially the children.

Before you begin dating, ask yourself these questions.

1. Are you able to give to the relationship equal to what you hope to get out of it?

If you are a single parent because of divorce or the death of a spouse or partner, you may still be dealing with a lot of emotional baggage. People who have been deeply hurt or suffered a devastating lose need time to heal. Friends can offer a shoulder to cry on or a safe place to vent. But a partner will soon tire of hearing about your past relationship. If you are still experiencing anger, self-doubt, or difficulty trusting people, now is not the time to start dating. Dating someone new will not fix what's broken in you. You must deal with those issues first in order to have a health relationship.

2. Are you looking for companionship or a replacement parent?

If the first question you ask when you meet someone is "Will this guy be a good father to my kids?" then you are headed for trouble. Of course, that will eventually be an important consideration if the relationship becomes serious. However, the first consideration should be whether or not the two of you are compatible.

3. Are you ready to accept "his" kids?

Many times the most eligible dating partners are other single parents. Like you, they will have the added responsibilities of parenting that may occasionally interfere with plans

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