by Ann Nelson-Russell

Created on: September 21, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Reflections: Living with an alcoholic

When I reflect back to my childhood I vividly recall the shouting, things being thrown across the room (including bowls filled with food), and eventually the physical fights that would transpire at almost every family gathering. My Uncle Albert, the family alcoholic, was the instigator for all of the chaos and bickering.

I was always afraid of him and stayed my distance. My cousin "little" Al was a year younger than me and he couldn't escape the rage of his alcoholic father. Nor could his mother, my Aunt Gloria, she suffered a broken jaw once. He was a mean drunk and most of the family tried to avoid him altogether. By the time I became a teenager my Uncle Albert was no longer included in family gatherings. As the next few years passed I watched him lose his marriage, his house, his friends, and his own dignity. I made a vow to myself as a young girl that I would not marry an alcoholic.

Guess what? Yes, I am married to an alcoholic. Is he verbally or physically abusive? No, he is not. Everything that I thought that I knew and understood about alcoholics proved wrong in this case. I always thought that alcoholics would drink uncontrollably and had tendencies to display either verbal or physical abuse. I certainly never knew that an alcoholic could go to work every day, pay bills regularly, and keep up his chores at home.

I now have a whole different understanding of what an alcoholic can be like. Let me explain what my life is like living with my alcoholic husband. He works very hard and never stays out of work, paying bills is priority #1, and our yard is the best looking yard on our street. Doesn't sound like I should have anything to complain about, does it?

Life with a functioning alcoholic brings an entirely different set of issues. I have been married to this man for nine years now and I honestly cannot recall a day when he wasn't drinking a cold brew. Monday through Friday he drinks beer when he gets home from work until he eats his supper late in the evening and then he goes directly to bed. Most nights he goes to bed without as much as a "goodnight" exchanged. On Saturdays and Sundays his ritual is to try his best to wait until noon before popping the top on his first cold alcoholic beverage. The drinking continues throughout the day and into the evening. He will drink a few beers, mow the yard for awhile, and drink a beer, and so on throughout the day. If a neighbor or someone he works with stops by he reacts by meeting

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