by Tobias Van Buren

Created on: September 20, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

I'm Being Denied My Brother

A letter I wrote all my brother's children

September 19, 2008

Amy, Robert, Peter: Today is the 14th anniversary of my near-suicide! It was also on this day I was on this planet 20,000 days. But there was/is no connection.

This is your Uncle Toby. As you know by now (probably a long time), I am not very happy about the situation between my brother and me - between you all and me. I feel your mother is keeping me from a relationship with my brother and you - certainly as respects her - and that all of you are apparently in on it. Your mother has taught you well. Now, don't get me wrong! I admire your mother - very much! I have a lot of respect for her, and I appreciate how good she has been for my brother - an ideal marriage (nearly 50 years) - and for bringing into this world you three terrific children! I have no argument about that! And I care very deeply for all of you - including your mother, and certainly my brother.

But I know your mother has never cared very much for me, and I know it happens to be based on her belief that I'm gay. Now, for years, I thought I was gay too. I've had a very confused sexual upbringing, considering not only family but society in general. We all fit into various labels, given us by society in this world, whether we like it or not - how we seem to project ourselves - often involuntarily without our being able to help it - thus the signs society goes by in labeling us. And apparently I have projected homosexuality and an effeminate manner about me - things your mother detests! I know this for a fact. A few times when I'd been over there at Storyland Lane, I would hear the word 'faggy' mentioned - seemingly as a joke, and you enjoying it Amy, sometimes you using that word as well. And you boys? I never heard you say it, but you seemed to think it was funny! But your mother was aiming it at me, and Amy aiming it at me as well - indirectly - as I'm sure you'd all been discussing me from time to time in reference to it. Your mother has never liked me. And, your mother has been trying to take my brother away from me - taking you children away from me. It's obvious! So this is the part of your mother that I don't appreciate. My brother is my brother, and no one can take that away from me!

Now, what I want to do here is to go into the relationship between me and my brother with you - primarily that relationship - from the very beginning, and I'm going to point out to you, that it has not at all been the kind of

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