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By the time a child reaches 18, a parent should feel that his/her child knows right from wrong, knows where he/she is headed in life, feels secure and loved, and has the ability to jump into society and make a difference. Alongwith teachers, parents set the stage early-on for the latter character of children. If this is the case, parents should relax that "parenting" phase and become more of a mentor/friend to a child.

Moving from parent to friend is a tricky act, however. Parents need to back off slowly. Each child matures at a different rate. Many parents have not established a secure and loving home for their children. This is a main hinderance toward their independence. A parent needs to know that a child knows he/she is loved unconditionally and can rely on a parent for direction or help until he feels the security of being on his/her own in life.

The character of a child is built slowly over the years by hearing and seeing what parents, teachers, and peers say and do in life. If a child has no idea about right and wrong and doesn't display any moral attitude, then he/she will have a lot of trouble in our society.
Before a parent cuts the "apron string," he/she needs to evaluate the maturity and attitude of the child. Can the child make good decisions? Parents need to let children have trial and error times, so they can see consequences to mistakes, etc.

Jumping into society is intimidating! Everyone tells the young person to step out, get a job, find a mate, have fun, go on vacations, save money, join a good church, etc., but did the child learn how to do these things before he/she left the "nest?" That is the questions a parent should evaluate and feel secure with the answers. A parent's job is basically done when the child moves out of the home. Many of us learn our way when we go off to college and learn to take care of our personal needs. Getting a job is difficult in today's world, but it also lets young people learn about the realities of what it costs to care for oneself's without Mom and Dad rushing in to save the day. Is the child ready for reality?

All in all, parents become partners in life with their children. They comfort them when times are rough. They show them love no matter what bad mistakes they make. They help them in times of crisis. They do not give up their own lives to run to a child each time he/she asks. Children need to grow up and realize that parents are now friends and mentors, not someone to manipulate for money. We all want to help our children become successful, but the best gift we can give them is the ability to do this on their own.

Learn more about this author, Ann Palmieri.
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