by Diana Leigh

Created on: September 19, 2008

My brother and I were adopted as infants. He was the first to arrive in the household, and I followed two years later. Circumstances surrounding our arrivals differed. He was chosen, but I was placed. We were told that. We looked very different from each other and knew that we were not biological siblings. He was quiet and industrious. When I came along I was loud and boisterous, demanding constant attention. That was just the beginning.

The circumstances of our adoptions could have contributed to some of the challenges that presented themselves. Whether or not you tell children they are adopted, or face the possibility they might hear about it from someone else later on is certainly a real challenge. How you handle it could have a direct bearing in how they respond in their relationship with you.

I know now, after having met my birth family, that there is much to be said for "nature." I have discovered that there are many similarities in attitudes and mannerisms that parallel my birth siblings. There is a saying that "You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy." Some of who we are must be inborn, and whether biological or adoptive parents raise us, we can exhibit those inborn traits. Adopted children bring these with them to the adoptive families. Adoptive parents are well aware of their own traits, behaviors and characteristics, but are not at all familiar with those the child may have. Biological parents see their attitudes and past behaviors being repeated by their biological children. Often I will hear someone say of their biological sons or daughters statements like, "he acts just like his dad," or she's just like her mother." It's to be expected. Imagine the plight of the adoptive parent who has the expectation that their children will mimic their behaviors and attitudes.

Understanding this might have helped my parents, and perhaps even me, to adapt to how I acted and responded. Unfortunately, none of us knew any of this during those years. All we knew was that life was certainly a challenge raising the two of us. It was apparent in attitude and temperament. We did not respond to their nurturing in the same way. Why not? We were basically treated the same, with all the advantages any child could have, but our reactions to those opportunities and advantages were very, very different. As a result, our parents had a difficult time. It was hard for them to know how to deal with my reactions. Today I can appreciate

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>