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Housework- it is a never-ending cause of debate and strife in marriages. A man thinks, or has been taught, that it isn't his job to do housework its women's work. Feminist groups tell women that if they do all the housework they are slaves to men and oppressed as women. Thus the battle begins again, but someone has to do it.

The question of whose responsibility the housework is depends on each couple's unique situation. There are two main roles to be fulfilled in each household money to be made and a residence to maintain.

Many of today's couples live with a two-income household where both members work outside the home. In this case, home responsibilities should be shared. Each person can decide which chores come more naturally to them, and then the rest can be split or alternated. If one person regularly works more hours a week or has to fill in at work, the other should contribute more at home for that time.

However, when one person supports the family, the one who stays at home should be expected to do the majority of the cooking, cleaning and yard work. This doesn't matter if it is the husband or wife who stays at home.

When children are put in this mix of responsibilities, things may change a little. Depending on the demands of the child, or children, the person working outside the home may have to help with a few of the everyday chores.

The important thing to remember is that each person needs to feel appreciated for their contributions no matter how big or small they may be. A husband who works forty plus hours a week supporting his family so his wife can stay at home with the kids needs to know that she appreciates it. A wife who has a hot meal ready when her husband gets home from work needs to know that she is not taken for granted.

The biggest reason couples quarrel over responsibilities is because they don't feel appreciated for the things they do. They need to hear from their spouse, " I appreciate this specific thing you do." When we know and hear that the things we do are noticed and important to the one we love, we find more meaning in our work. It is part of our strive as humans to feel important to someone.

So in order to solve the issue of housework, the couple needs to define each of their roles in the household. Then, when they fulfill their responsibilities, no matter how big or small, they need to hear from their spouse several times a week that what they do is important.

Learn more about this author, Tirzah Hawkins.
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