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When my daughter left home for her sophomore year of college, I had no idea she would never again live under my roof. She was barely 19 but legally an adult.

During her freshman year, I had eventually made peace with the fact that because she was 18, I had no legal right to see her grades or expect news of any illness unless she wanted me to have these privileges. This was hard as the parent of an only child.

The week before Thanksgiving of her second year in college, I got a telephone call. She reported that she had taken a medical leave from the school and needed to move out of the dorm by the end of November. After a deep breath, she added that she and her boyfriend of about 10 months would be leasing an apartment in a neighboring suburb.

The mom in me wanted to yell. I wanted to scream into my cell phone, "You have no idea what you're doing!" A variant that flashed across the neurons in my brain was, "You'll be sorry later."

Oddly enough, what I heard come out of my mouth was a fairly calm, "Well, if that's what you intend to do, I'm sure you're self-confident enough to pull it off." When I later repeated this remark to my husband, her stepfather, he asked if I was on new medication.

In the subsequent 10 years, we've faced a number of situations where my urge to continue to act like a parent has had to be stifled. Some of them include purchasing a pricey detached home at age 24, taking jobs that require a commute of more than an hour each direction, and rushing out to purchase all the latest techno-toys.

Learning to be a parent to an adult is in some ways as difficult as learning to be a parent to your first newborn. However, here are some of the tips I've learned in the last decade:

1. Keep opinions to yourself. If your adult child wants your advice, he or she will ask for it. By overriding every objectionable thing your child says or does, you are depriving him or her of the opportunity to learn and grow from mistakes.

2. Resist the urge to offer money. As your adult child attempts to take on more responsibilities, there will be plenty of times when you'll be tempted to offer money to make life easier. Among them: a down payment on real estate or a car, moving expenses, student loans, and paying down credit card balances. Unless your offspring specifically requests financial help or is the victim of some horrendous circumstances, don't offer it. If you do provide some assistance, make sure it's documented in writing if you expect repayment.

3. Don't needle about

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