Whether you're an unattached, single parent or are divorced with children, there's a high probability that you will consider dating somewhere between juggling a career, maintaining a household and raising your children. After all, within the chaos of life, you are entitled to be happy too.
Even though you are surrounded with bills to pay, a home to keep organized and children to tend to, you might be feeling just a little bit lonely, or as though your world revolves around everyone and everything else, yet nothing revolves around you. You definitely need some balance in your life. You might just be thinking of dating again.
However, dating has now become so much different than when you were younger and free of the obligations of looking after a family. There is so much more to consider than just getting yourself dressed up for dinner and a movie with your high school sweetheart. You may not have to ask for your parent's permission anymore, and even though you are now an adult, there are several other factors to keep in mind when making that ever-important decision to re-enter the dating scene.
Although you are entitled to have a life too, you still have to consider how your children will react to this new situation of your dating. After all, this will invariably affect their lives as well, whether you're just looking for some occasional companionship or possibly thinking about a new life partner to grow old with.
In their perspective, you have just brought a "stranger" into their midst, and it's something they have no control over themselves. There is bound to be some act of retaliation or discontent. This is their way of trying to have a certain degree of control over the situation. This is not just about you anymore. There will be many things for you to think about first.
SOME THINGS YOU MUST CONSIDER BEFORE DATING:
1) Date ONLY when you are "ready" to start dating again. Often times, people will jump into a new relationship just as one has ended. This gives you very little time to direct yourself in life. Be completely honest with yourself as to "why" you are dating. The wrong reason might only send you into yet another failed relationship. You have your children and their lives to now consider, so make your decisions wisely and when it's time appropriate. Don't date to heal old hurts.
2) One of the first, and maybe most important things to consider, is that your children should always come first, no matter what. They must always be your first and foremost priority. Relationships may come and go in your life, but your children will always be your children. It's a fact, that too often, many people will get caught up in the excitement and attention of having someone new to love them, that they unfortunately neglect their own children.
3) Never spring a new relationship onto your children. This could turn their entire world, as they know it, upside down. This might in fact, cause them to either retaliate or withdraw into themselves. Depending upon their age(s), and individual personalities, they may not know how to deal with this new situation. They have had nothing by which to draw this new experience from in their short-lived lives. Be open and honest with your children if you are "planning" to date. Let them get a grasp on the idea long before you start bringing home a prospective partner or "friend".
4) Once dating, allow your children and new partner to meet. Your children may or may not like this person right off the bat, and either way, they will let you know their feelings. It might be necessary to introduce this person into their lives on a gradual basis. They need to become accustomed to the new situation slowly.
5) You have to instill security into their lives, letting them know that this new person is "not" taking their place in your life. Children need to know that you won't love them any differently or any less. They need to know that you will always be available to them as much as you had been in the past. If they are younger children, you might need to help them to understand that you need your friends, just as they needs theirs.
6) Let your new partner know that, for the time being at least, they have little to no authority over your children. Children will often resent someone else telling them what to do, even if it's in a caring, well-meaning way. This person is "not" their parent, and although they should have respect for all adults, respect must be "earned"!
7) Once everyone has gotten use to the idea that you are now dating, be sure that the children are included in some activities with you and your new partner. This will give everyone a chance to get to know each other better, and hopefully, get use to the new arrangements. If this relationship is to grow and flourish, it would help if everyone liked and respected everyone else.
New relationships are never an easy thing, and even harder when there are children thrown into the mix. It's important for the parent that their children approve of their new partner and that this new partner likes their children (or likes children in general). Your children will always be a part of your life and it's important to consider their feelings when you make life-changing decisions for yourself. These decisions, inevitably, affect them as well.