by Valerie Cerami

Created on: September 18, 2008

The Master of a m p h i b o l o g y

By definition:

A m p h i b o l o g y: a sentence or phrase that can be interpreted in more than one way.

Master of A m p h i b o l o g y: the boyfriend who answers our every wish, without committing to a single syllable.

When asked about a co-worker, he says,
"I can't say too many good things about the guy!"

When asked about a Thursday evening date, he says,

"She was interesting."

When asked about his intentions of this-n-that, he says,
"Time will tell."

He answers directly, without revealing a hint of his agenda. He is to the point precisely, with nary a revelation of his feelings one way or the other. He gives his opinion without giving it. We hear what we infer. The truth in his words is nonexistent, but our imaginations, hopes and intentions are transferred into the between the lines. The vagueness serves our vanity in the response we so want. The only thing we know for certain is the hidden meaning is malleable to hearer's ears.

Ladies, the Master is not your answer. With all his words, he will always remain a question.
An Elusive, enticing, puzzling conundrum of hope.

There's only one answer: question. Question the answers.

Ask the master specifics. Pick, pick, pick away at adjectives that have dual meanings. Simple sentences in yes - no format are encouraged. As in court, a yes is a yes is a yes - and for the record - could never be mistaken for a no. No, no, no... Undisguised and naked before you, request the yes - no response. Clear, clean, cut to the point... unsullied by our innermost wishes, and more telling than 1,000 adverbs, verbs and dangling participles ever.

Fuzziness is not acceptable. Let's go over those initial question/answers again.

When asked about a co-worker, he says,
"I can't say too many good things about the guy!"

Now ask, Can you state anything good (yes or no only) about his work?
Or can you state anything troublesome? If yes, what... If no, what?

When asked about a Thursday evening date, he says,
"She was interesting."

Now ask, will you see her again? Yes or no, only!
If yes, when... If no, why not?

When asked about his intentions of this-n-that, he says,
"Time will tell."

Now ask, do you have any intention of exactly when that time will be?
Yes or no.

Trying to pin down and pinpoint a masters answers is frustrating, for both parties. The interrogation takes away the game play; thus, most likely, taking away the Master from his game. Chances are, he won't want to play with you anymore. Masters like the competitive edge, so in your stratagem, the scoring board won't tip in his favor. Now, masters can't have that! Otherwise, they wouldn't be masters.

My best advice, move onto the next player. Hopefully, he too won't be a player. If he is, outsmart 'em. If he isn't, stay in the game a while. Eventually, you'll find a way to master all this...

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