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BEING LIKE THEIR PARENTS
Oft times, couples that live together, do so because one or both of them don't want to end up like their parents. Cohabiting gives them a way to escape from the childhood traumas they were forced to live through. They view the idea of marriage through those childhood eyes; the arguing over who is "right"; the screaming fits of anger Dad hurled at Mom when he'd had a lousy day at work; the way Mom caved in, seemingly with no self-esteem. "Oh no," these couples may think, "that will never happen to me: I won't let it."

Well none of us [not even YOUR parents] want to be like our parents. The trap is that gut-feeling that you will end up like them no matter what. Actually, things only turn out that way if you let them.

Take myself for example: My mom was a stay-at-home mom with four kids, and my dad a salesman. According to the "like my parents" rule, I should have ended up the same, with my husband doing sales of some sort.

But I'm a freelance writer, and a small business owner. My husband works for a world renowned hospital making sure the surgeons and other doctors get paid what they're worth. He does what others cannot. He squeezes money from insurance companies that KNOW they owe, but are loathe to pay their fair share. If HE had followed his father's footsteps, he'd be a milkman.

Really, the only thing I kept from my parents as role models was their commitment to the institution of marriage: they were married 44 years, and would have kept going, but Mom passed away. I have a long marriage, as does my sister.

Couples living together these days tell me "Yeah? Well that was then, this is now." Granted, times HAVE changed, as have parental role models, but marriage is what you make of it, no matter WHEN you get married.

FEAR OF FAILURE;
I hear this one more than any other from people living together; they can leave any time they want, so there will BE no failure; that "little piece of paper" has no legal, binding hold over them. No way will they marry, and add to the sky rocketing divorce rate.

But if you really think about it, the federal government lumps ALL divorces together to come up with their stats. That means it puts a 30-year marriage that cracked under stress, with a divorce from an airhead like Paris Hilton or Brittney Spears. Celebrities by their very nature should not get married; that's just ASKING for trouble; in fact, whenever hubby and I see celeb's getting married on TV, I give them 3 to 6 months, depending on the vanity

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