by Sammy Stein

Created on: September 18, 2008

Those of us who do not have Asperger's Syndrome can never truly understand it but we can try.
I chair a group for young people who have an autistic spectrum disorder (Asperger's is included in this spectrum). One of the aims of the group is to help young people who have become socially isolated and many of our young people have Asperger's Syndrome. From talking with them I have learned that living with Asperger's Syndrome is hard and they deserve our admiration.

One 15 year old lad spoke to me recently and I asked him how things were going. His answer was thoughtful and really made me think. He said, ' I am always outside. I want to make friends but every time I do, someone else walks past and the person I am trying to talk to always goes and talks to the better one'. I asked him what he meant by 'better' and he said,' you know, the one who is not weird!'

I found this deep and a little upsetting. I asked a girl about lving with Asperger's and she told me, ' It is hard because I never get the jokes my mates tell me. Half the time,I do not know they are joking and I can't get the ideas!'

Our son has Asperger's Syndrome and he told me once that every day is hard because he is having to live in our world. He has found it difficult ,especially in school where changes of teacher, timetables and the social interaction are all causes for anxiety, but he is learning to use strategies like time out to help him cope with certain situations.

The big message which comes across from all Asperger's sufferers is that they cope - they do not understand the world of the 'normal people' but they cope because if they do not, they become isolated and alone and most of them desparately want to fit in and have friends - they just need help to do this.

Books will tell you that those with Asperger's Syndrome often become socially isolated, find maintaining friendships hard because they lack awareness of when it is the right time to stop something or they say the wrong thing to the wrong person but what we have found is that in our group, they often engage with each other for a long time, get into deep conversations and anxiety evaporates.

I asked one of the youngsters why he thought this was and he simply said, 'Well, here, we all think the same. We all have Aspergers, we are all 'Aspies' and how many like us do we find in school? Here we know each other and understand how we tick!'
Very profound for an 11 year old!

Asperger's sufferers are bright and capable - they are normal in every respect apart from the area of intersaction and social etiquette but they are great rote learners and if you show them how to enter a room,how to order food,how to cope with queuing and entering into conversation, they pick up quickly. Social stories, time outs and knowing when to stop are all key tools to give them so they can use them in different situations. Meeting others with Asperger's is vital to reduce their isolation and let them know there are many others out there (and many adults who would have benefitted from a diagnosis when they were young) really help them.

Living with Ssdperger's Syndrome is hard, it can affect the entire family but we can offer support and help once we understand those who have it. We can make coping easier and more fun and, most importantly, we can all benefit from the charm, wit and intelligent minds of these extraordinary people.

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