by Stefani Andrews

Created on: September 17, 2008

Imagine with me for a moment that you are in the grocery store. It's just a normal summer Saturday afternoon, hot and muggy outside. It's easily 100 degrees outside, yet here you are wearing a sweater yet again. You are trying to cover your numerous scars and the fresh cuts that you put there a mere 24 hours ago. You wander through the aisles and reach for something on a far shelf; your sleeve pulls up and reveals what you've tried so hard to keep hidden. With no warning a woman who you don't know gasps and grabs for your arm before exclaiming, "Oh my dear, what happened?" Now what? You have only a few options that you must choose from in between being ashamed that you failed in hiding your secret. You can lie and tell her something else, you can make up a ludicrous excuse just to distract her, or you can ignore her completely and go along with your shopping.

Unfortunately, this uncomfortable situation is one that self-injurers find themselves in fairly regularly. With people at the store, family, friends, doctors, nurses, and many more I'm sure. As a cutter myself, I understand the embarrassment and shame this type of "outing" can bring. This particular story is one that I experienced just this last weekend. I, like many others, see no reason to be honest with this stranger and in fact I was a bit irritated that she thought she had a right to question me. This is when excuses abound, and there are millions of them. Things like, "I had an argument with reality, and reality lost.", "Stupid cat mistook me for a scratching post." all the way to the completely ridiculous of "When they say don't feed the bears, don't!" or "I met a blender with a bad attitude." All of these are defense strategies to keep it all a big secret. And for those of you who have never been a self-injurer the very concept of causing yourself injury is incomprehensible. The reasons behind the cutting are as varied as the cutters themselves. Hopefully I can shed a small modicum of light on the reasons why.

Cutting can be a way to numb yourself from some type of emotional pain. Self-injury is very common in survivors or childhood abuse, so there is a connection to trauma. This type of trauma creates a lot of emotional turmoil, and for someone who may not know hot to deal with it or has limited coping skills, cutting can be the answer. The physical act of cutting releases large amounts of endorphins in the brain, and endorphins numb the brain to the sensation of pain as a defense mechanism. These

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