A Readers Question:
Hey Dedan,

How long do you think is too soon for someone getting out of a relationship to start dating again? Like lets say you and your girlfriend were in a long term relationship and then ya'll broke up. and then you found out that 2 months later she was dating someone else and calling him her boyfriend...would you be hurt or would you not care? I ask if you would be hurt because one could say that since you two were in a long term relationship, it must not have meant that much to her if she starts dating soon after breaking up. and the same thing if it was a guy who started dating soon after a break up. I personally think that if you really loved the person and they really loved you and yall were in a committed relationship for like 2 or 3 years, then 2 months after is way too soon. I dunno...what do you think?

My Advice:

Hey. It's great to hear from one of my favorite readers again. Let me start off by saying that no one can control how they feel about a certain situation, so there is really no right answer to this question. However, in my opinion, I think its always good to try to have some respect for an ex boyfriend of girlfriend after a break up. No one wants to see their ex in a relationship with someone else if you just broke up a few weeks ago. If that becomes the case, then you're forced to ask yourself the question of was there something going on between the two of them before the break up was official. I would probably wait at least a month or two before entering into another relationship.

With that being said, often in relationships, one person comes to the conclusion that they want to end the relationship before their mate does but they wait months before actually doing it. In which case, the feelings are already lessening even thought they are still technically committed. So when the break up actually takes place, don't be surprised if your ex finds it a little easier to move on that you do. Having been in this situation before, it doesn't mean that your ex cheated on you or didn't really love you. Maybe it just means that mentally and emotionally, he started the detachment phase a little sooner than you did.

Does that make it easier for you to deal with seeing your mate of 3 years holding hands with someone else in the mall 3 weeks after you broke up easier? No. Of course not. No matter how you look at it, breaking up with someone you care about is never easy. I'm not going to front, If I was in that situation, I probably feel some type of way if I saw my ex cuddled up with another guy a few weeks after we broke up. Like I said, there's no right or wrong answer to this question but the most important thing to do is try to be as respectful as possible of your ex's feelings if you ever really cared about them.

Hopefully, I've shed some light on this subject for you:)

Learn more about this author, Dedan Tolbert.
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