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Satire: Love letters

by Marissa Sealey

Created on: September 17, 2008

My First Love Letter

Here I am for the first time in my life sitting at my desk about to compose my first love letter ever! Yes, yes, I know it is probably hard for you to believe that a man my age has never written a love letter, but alas, it is true! Although I have had many, many, many written to me I have never written one to someone else. Honestly, I never saw a reason to until now. Funny thing is I don't even know where to begin. Maybe I should go through some of my old love letters that I have kept...who am I trying to kid? I have kept them all! Yes, I am a man that has collected his memories and hidden the boxes away in the darkest recesses of my closet. At one point in time I did it for sentimental value and later it turned into a good way to stroke my ego on bad days, but that is highly irrelevant to the point.

How does one go about writing a love letter? I don't want it to be too corny, boring, or chaste, but it has to be mature, honest and still flattering...Or maybe not flattering, I really don't know. I mean I can even quote to this day some of the more rapturous lines that were written to me like, "Oh sweet breathe of you, my lover, how I miss your taste"... Or something of that nature... I really should see if I can dig out those old cards and lettersI am not really a man of words. I prefer action... I wonder if I can turn action into words... although I don't want to write any flowery tripe I may regret. So, where does that leave me? Isn't the point of a love letter to be flowery and full on nonsense and heavy promises you can't deliver? What other reason would there be for the existence of love letters anyway? I mean I am no Shakespeare and I can't quote Keats or Shelley off the cuff either, but all of there works were nothing but flowery tripe! Yet, that was another day and age. Would a woman appreciate that type of love letter now, in the 21st century or should I keep it short and sweet like, "Gwen, I love ya' hon." And call it a day? God, I didn't think that writing a love letter would be so difficult. I thought that it would be easy to slap a few lines on the page, but I guess for a rookie like me I should have known it was going to be more difficult. Okay I just need to take a deep breath... and stop chewing on the tip of this pen...I have to just breath and let the words flow out and see what happens... okay... here it goes.

Dear Gwen,

I will forewarn you that this is the first time I have ever written a love letter, or is that ruining

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