by Scott Underwood

Created on: September 16, 2008   Last Updated: September 30, 2008

So, you want to surf, huh?

Well, here's your tutorial. Grab a board, find some macking surf, put on some sunblock, and go rock the lineup.

Oh, wait, that's how NOT to surf. Here's my humble addition to this ever-so-important subject in steps:

Step 1: Forget that you are a millionaire, billionaire, cop, fireman, Marine, corporate tycoon, professor, or a current or former professional/college/high school athlete. In the water, we are all equal. Your ego will be battered and bruised by some thirteen year old grommet ditching school to grab a handful of waves; and if it's not her that humbles you, it will be some seventy year old man with a heart condition and a rusted out 77 Chevy Conversion Van that he sleeps in.

Step 2: Learn to swim and swim well, because even though you will probably wearing a leash, that leash will ultimately fail at just the wrong time and you will be making the swim into the beach from about five miles out in gnarly "victory at seas" conditions. A leash can be your friend of convenience, but it is NOT a safety device. If you are going to rely on a leash to save your life, you will die.

Step 3: Acquire, rent, or borrow a longboard. It is as simple as this: You WILL fail to learn to surf on a shortboard. They are harder to paddle, harder to catch a wave, harder to stand up on. When I write "harder", what I mean is "impossible". Riding a longboard does not mean that you are out of shape, old, or stupidit means that you're cool and not self-defeating.

Step 4: Don' kill yourself with large waves. This is key to your safety as well as your future surfing career. It is no measure of your masculinity to paddle out into double overhead waves when you are just learning; as a matter of fact, the only thing that this measures is your intelligence. Be smart. If the waves are big, don't go out. You can learn a lot by just sitting on the beach and watching others surf.

Step 5: Don't even start with waves. Start surfing on the inside, where the waves have already broke. This whitewash is much easier to catch and will teach you what it feels like to paddle into a wave, when the momentum is appropriate to stand up, and it is not nearly as difficult to paddle out.

Step 6: When you do paddle out, prepare yourself for the butt-kicking of your life, because whether you are a triathlete, a Navy Seal, or an MMA fighter, you are no match for the ocean and you will be exhausted by the time you make it out. You see, the art of paddling out is all about technique. Watch others

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