by Trisha Orlando

Created on: September 16, 2008

Before I demonstrate to you the pros and cons of possessing a Y chromosome, let me break the news to you. Scientists have recently discovered that the Y chromosome is actually a defective X chromosome. Yes, somehow one of the tiny little legs got broken off the X chromosome and it became known as the Y chromosome. Writers of history and science books are frantically erasing this erroneous information from textbooks as we speak.

THE PROS AND JOYS OF HAVING A Y CHROMOSOME:
Allows you to channel surf with obvious disregard for those around you who may actually have an attention span of more than 13.5 seconds
Spitting, hacking and passing gas are bodily functions expected of, and easily delivered, by person of the Y chromosome persuasion
Emotional avoidance: Possessing the Y chromosome exempts you from having emotional sensitivity.
Toilet Seat Etiquette: Blame it on your mother for not teaching you to put the seat down
Selective Hearing: no explanation needed
Inability to ask directions: again, no explanation needed
Ability to write your name in the snow with urine. Now that's got to be a plus.
FOOTBALL
ABILITY TO HUNT
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THE CONS OF HAVING A Y CHROMOSOME:
Inability to understand women.
Lack of common sense when lost
Unable to comprehend chick flicks
Loss of hearing
Emotionally handicapped
Note that the ability to hunt is one of the positive aspects of being a Y chromosome recipient.
This is a good thing. However, please do not impose on non-Y recipients to prepare your hunting expeditions. Do your own laundry, pack your own sandwiches, and for heaven's sake, clean up that mess you made when carving up your trophy winning capture.

And about that football obsession of yoursthere are things non-Y holders want to say to you. Let's start with the most important first:
THEY CAN NOT HEAR YOU. The players, the coaches and the refs are not able to hear your shouting, please lower your voice. Hey, here's an idea, maybe even keep your advise to yourselfSILENTLY.

You do realize that Thanksgiving is a tradition FAMILY holiday? That includes, but is not limited to, people who do not share your passion for football. And would it kill you to do the dishes once in a while. Perhaps even MAKE the meal? You do know how to cook more than macaroni and cheese, don't you? Pretzels and beer are fine for appetizers. Please do not make them the entre.

Who scheduled football for Thanksgiving Day anyway? Was it another Y chromosome holder? It had to be. No non-Y would have shown much inconsideration for a traditional family holiday. Psssttt another news flash for you New Year's Day is not a football celebratory day either. Again, tradition, family, quality time any of those things sound familiar at all? I thought not.

As long as we are talking about holidays and special occasions, do you know when your wedding anniversary is? When was the last time you remembered it without colossal hints and bright red markings on the calendar. No, not the football schedule the CAL - EN - DER. You know, the place the non-Y keeps track of dentist appointments, school functions, family functions surely you have seen it.

Oh never mind, you aren't listening anyway....

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