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I hope the title for this essay doesn't require that I find inspiration in non-cartoon Simpsons, such as O.J. and Jessica. First of all, I wouldn't want O.J. to change my life, because he'd more likely end my life. Nor would I expect Jessica Simpson to fall for such an old guy like me, who couldn't possibly make the kind of forward passes Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo tosses her way.

Therefore, I'll happily assume the subject of my essay must be that wonderful, popular, award-winning TV cartoon family, The Simpsons. As their popularity grew, it should have occurred to me that their hilariously goofy members were only slightly less dysfunctional than my own.

As the father of my slightly-less cartoony household, and unlike Homer, I didn't work at a nuclear plant. However, I did manage to endure a quarter century career as an employee of a large company. That mixed-up organization was also full of clueless co-workers and was headed by executives almost as crassly evil as Montgomery Burns. Unlike the gravel-voiced Mrs. Simpson, my wife didn't ever have a tall, blue hair-do. However, over the years, her tresses have been just about every other color, and like all the ladies in her community bridge club, it is only a matter of time when it will assume its azure hue.

Our family boasted a perfect twin for Bart, a feisty, annoying scalawag of a little boy who grew up to to take on a similar role as an adult to become a producer of even more annoying rock music CDs and DVDs. His sister, like Lisa, was a clever little girl with a know-it-all attitude that drove adults nuts. Today, she's a know-it-all TV writer/director who drives everyone nuts.

We didn't have a baby named Maggie, but like the Simpson infant, our other family member never uttered a word. And instead of the ever-present pacifier, our cat, Minerva, usually came into the house sucking on an almost dead mouse in her mouth.

Another coincidence is that the Simpsons' home is in the fictional town of Springfield. Our family spent most of our kids' growing up years living in the real town of Springfield, Pennsylvania. Hmm, you'll have to agree that things are beginning to look suspicious here.

Until the question was posed that the Simpsons may have influenced our lives, I had never before given it a thought. However, now that I can ponder the comparisons, I suddenly realize that Simpsons creater Matt Groening must have been influenced by observing us. And then, that doggone copycat intruder went running to his drawing board and created a cartoon family exactly like mine. D'oh!

Learn more about this author, Ted Sherman.
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