by Stephen Bate

Created on: September 16, 2008

I can only comment on this topic from my own experience, as the background to a pregnancy and whether it is "wanted" or wise will differ enormously from case to case.

Obviously, a pregnancy in early teens to a single child is a much more concerning pregnancy than one to a couple in an adult relationship, so the manner and timing of how to let your parents know with differ hugely in these cases, but here is my spin on it.

In terms of background, my wife and I suffered two miscarriages in the very early weeks of pregnancy. The first time around, no-one knew, as we had only just found out ourselves.

Second time around, our parents only found out when we told them that there was a problem. Again, it was very early in the pregnancy and we started to see the same signs as before. This time we knew we would need emotional help, so we told our parents and they were fantastic, but we didn't really get chance to tell them properly that a baby was on the way and that we could celebrate a pregnancy.

Within eight months of the second miscarriage we found out about our third pregnancy, and we were already 10 weeks in. Thankfully, there were no signs of problems, and the treatment that my wife had received in order to help conception and retention seemed to have worked, so we were able to plan, after a few more "waiting" weeks, for a proper "reveal".

We decided to make the most of the happy news and to thank our parents for their magnificent support through the bad times. Thankfully, our families were quite close, so it did not seem unusual for them to be invited round for dinner. I seem to remember that we even mentioned that it was a "thank you" for their help.

I found that the suspense and the breaking of the news was an extremely important step in the telling process. Relaxed and familiar surroundings were key, so that all of the people could fully let their emotions go and celebrate. Accordingly, I would recommend that the "telling" be done in a domestic environment, rather than a public place, to allow the full range of emotions to come out.

As you can imagine after the miscarriages, once we started the conversation, and it was obvious where it was leading, it became very important to tell everyone quickly and clearly what was happening. Build the suspense, as it extends the joy, but don't hold on for too long!

If there is a background of infertility or problems, be aware that your parents will be concerned for your welfare, so reassure them as much as you can, and as early as you can, that everything is OK.

Mainly, though, remember that becoming a grandparent is a HUGE event for your parents, so make sure that you tell them in a happy and relaxed environment, and let their emotions run free!

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