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Novel excerpts: Loneliness

Gabe was used to being in control, and he liked winning. This learning how to win Selena's love was very new to him. Like most men, he was not good with the truth. Making excuses for his actions and creating stories were where he excelled. He had never been particularly good with women, even though they seemed to flock to him because of his reputation. To look at him, one might think he did not really like women, even though he had a string of girlfriends who clung to him. He liked having women around. He was lonely and did not know what to do without a woman. He had no self-confidence unless he had a girlfriend. It was amazing, however, because he was not good at keeping them.

Women were supposed to obey him. If he was well-behaved and quiet, it was expected that women should do what he want. He found himself puzzled, by Selena in particular, that her behavior did not follow the expected pattern. He had always admired women like Selena, and his infatuation with her drove her crazy, but the question he had to face was whether having her was what he really wanted. His lack of trying to learn how to please women was the reason all of his other girlfriends had been much less confident and self-assured than Selena. It was the reason it was so easy for him to be attractive to Abby Lowe. Maybe Gabe and Abby deserved each other.

When Gabe told Abby that there might be a possibility they had a future, he wanted to leave the door open because he needed a safety net. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to be with Selena, but he was not ready to admit that to himself. He had himself convinced that Selena was everything he wanted because he was far too defensive about the idea of losing her to be honest with himself. Until he could honestly say that Selena was the woman he wanted, he would never be able to let Abby go and make the changes he needed to make to have the kind of relationship with Selena that would built them both up instead of drain Selena dry.

Because he was never honest with himself, he pushed everyone away. He could not confront his own feelings, so he could never face the idea of letting other people see them and know something about himself that he did not know or could not accept. This was obviously the kind of man Abby was looking for, since she did such a good job of creating a fantasy world to prevent herself from knowing anyone else intimately, either. Both of them soothed each other's egos, avoiding any possible real underlying problems. Gabe toyed


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