by Stephen Bate

Created on: September 15, 2008

I firmly believe that a "marriage" cannot continue if the couple are not in love mainly because of what I feel that a marriage is and what it stands for. The definition of a marriage should not just be a couple going about their day to day business as a partnership, but wanting to BE in that partnership because of a feeling of love for one another.

A marriage is not a partnership that links two people legally, financially or geographically, it is a partnership that links two people emotionally and spiritually. If the emotional and spiritual bonds are broken due to the love failing in a marriage, all that is left is a partnership of convenience.

When a couple stay together due to financial reasons or because there are children involved this is often for very strong and laudable reasons. Security, familiarity and normality are strong bonds that keep a family together and it can often just feel better to stay where you are. Often it is just the easiest thing to do, and couples remain in the security of the routine. This, however, is not a marriage.

However, if the couple have drifted apart because the love has gone, then in all of these situations only the partnership remains, but the "marriage" has gone. The couple are no longer "married" to the idea of being together because they want to be with each other or due to love, but due to ease and duty.

Love is the essential tie that binds a marriage together and so, once it's gone, the "marriage" cannot continue. All that is left is a loveless acquaintance, in my opinion, and the "marriage" has died.

Often the legal marriage does continue, as I have said, but I do not feel that the true commitment and joy that a love marriage brings is still present.

Many would argue that a marriage is an undertaking to look after one another, care for children and take your place in the "respectable" side of society. With this viewpoint love is actually not necessary in the marriage at all, indeed marriages of convenience or arranged marriages are still common in some cultures, often when the two people have hardly met, but do these marraiges actually mean the same thing?

I think not. I believe that, first and foremost, a marriage is a knot between two people that is tied as an act of love, and the failing of that love loosens the knot and the marriage discontinues. Practicalities may ensue that keep the couple together but I think that the "marriage" has gone.

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