by Daniella Antelo

Created on: September 15, 2008   Last Updated: May 12, 2011

Every day I think of her. Her smell. Her laugh. Her hair. Her jewelery. The way she smoked a cigarette and sipped her wine while she cooked. The way she danced to the Gypsy Kings.

Her death was...unexpected and undeniably heartbreaking and painful. I will tell you the thoughts that went through my head. What I will say directly, is that your heart-as a child-will never feel as sunken in, broken, and hurt as it does when you lose a parent. Especially one in which you had a hard earned, close friendship-like relationship with. This happened six years ago. My life did a 180 and completely changed. I had to learn to live a new way of life from that point on. My head is still a little bit cloudy sometimes.

It was a Thursday morning when my entire world changed forever. This was a point in my life in which I endured a pain that consumed me to no end and that made my heart ache with every breath. The night before she was helping me with my Biology homework and I remember she wore her deep red turtle neck and a long gold chain with a medallion hanging from it that had a burgundy circle protruding through the center. It matched well with her turtleneck and the grey slacks she wore with dark hose underneath.

Around ten, we said our 'good nights' and our 'I love you's'. I slept like a log that night. I hit the snooze buttons about three times before I actually got out of bed. I walked over to my mom's room to wake her up, about ten to seven. She was positioned face down on her stomach in her white robe. Not unusual. She slept like that from time to time. Walking back down the hall towards my bedroom, I felt a rush of uneasiness come over me. I thought about it for a second. The cat was as quiet as ever. Unusual. She was always squawking about something.

I walked back up the hall to my mother's room. I called for her. She hadn't moved an inch. I called for her again. Nothing. The cat was frozen. Looking at her. My mother's head was hanging slightly over the right edge of her queen sized bed. Her arms motionless at her sides. "Mom?" My heart began to pound quickly. I had to remind myself to breath. As I came closer to her I crouched down. My hand moved toward her face to push her hair out of the way. I looked closely at her face. It was purple. Plum color. You could see the deep blue of her veins. Some of them looked swollen or frail. I couldn't really tell, because my mind immediately exploded with questions as I jumped backwards. Oh my God! What do I do? Who do I call?

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