by Robin Wilder

Created on: September 15, 2008

A walking penis with gas. This is the image that pops into my head when someone says, 'Husband'. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. I wish I could control what my mind does, much the same way I'd imagine, men wish they could control their gas problem. I love men but how come they fart way less before you marry them? I asked, but they don't know either. So, I explained the gas part, now you're probably wondering why I see a walking penis. I have no idea. I'm sure there is a reason but I haven't figured it out yet.

There are all types of husbands. Fat ones, skinny ones, smart ones, and of coarse, dumb ones. If you're lucky you can experience all these things with just one husband...I was a lot more excited about marriage before I actually got married, but I have to say, it is a great thing with the right husband. I've never laughed more than I have at my husband. He's so funny and cute, when he's not being a complete asshole, that is. Hey, they call us bitches all the time, it's only fair. If it weren't for humor, we would've killed each other long ago.

Husbands are suppose to bring home the bacon while we fry it up. I kinda feel sorry for them. We women decided it wasn't enough. We didn't want to be barefoot in the kitchen anymore, so we stopped. Men everywhere were lost. We tell them we want better things, so they get better jobs. Then we say, stop working so much, I miss you. Women are so talented when it comes to messing with a man's mind. Although, it's not that difficult. Did I just say that? Sorry. It's so second nature, I'm not sure we realize when we're doing it. It's okay to do this before you're married but once you marry him, give him a break.

Besides, we need our husbands. They wash the car, cut the grass, and take out the trash. Those are things we'd have to do without them. Husbands also kill spiders and check out the strange noises in the middle of the night. They fix clogged sinks and let you buy anything you want, if you'd just shut up during football.
Want to make your husband happy, I mean, do you want your husband to be happy enough? While he's watching a football game on a Sunday afternoon, hand him a beer and give him a blow *. Afterward, don't talk, just walk away and let him watch his game in peace. Yes, that's it, nothing else. They don't want fancy clothes or jewelry. They don't want a new dishwasher or a hand held massager for the shower. That reminds me, I've got to ask him about that. Anyway, men are easy to please. What did you expect, he is, after all, a walking penis.

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