by Hope Darby

Created on: September 14, 2008

While no marriage is guaranteed to last forever, those beginning with love stand a much better chance. Why? Because, generally speaking, in order to love someone you must first like them. That "like" is what forms the foundation for a marriage.

I know that in many cultures, arranged marriages are the accepted norm. In the past, marriages have been arranged in order to link powerful families, to save an impoverished family from financial ruin, and to create war-halting allies. Nowadays, families negotiate dowries and exchange daughters for goods in what is essentially a business transaction with money at the root. Most times, the couple-to-be does not even meet until their wedding day.

While some of these marriages last and evolve into happy relationships, a great majority do not. The wife is often abandoned once her dowry has been obtained, or is reduced to servitude in her new family. The ones that survive do so because the husband and wife grow to respect each other, then to like each other in friendship, and for some, to eventually love one another. It is uncommon, but possible.

Love-based marriages, however, enjoy the benefit of the respect, liking, and friendship from the very beginning. This is not to say that love marriages don't require work, for clearly they do. Meshing two lives into one is a very difficult task, but one made easier when both parties truly care about the other. Respect and friendship cause couples to compromise easily and maintain their desire to make each other happy.

When both spouses truly love each other, they are more willing to work through the hard times. Even if a couple falls out of love, their initial respect for one another can help them find their way back into love, or at the very least into a happier friendship. A person in love gladly puts their partner's feelings ahead of their own, thus ensuring that neither spouse ever goes wanting.

Marriages require trust, respect, and determination. People forced into arranged marriages are often resentful, which obliterates any chance at trust and respect. They are frequently unattached emotionally, which obliterates any determination to make things work. They are crippled by the lack of feeling required for basic friendship, much less marriage.

Real love, real friendship, those are the ingredients required for a good marriage. Passion cools. Mystery reveals. Romance fades. True enjoyment of one another, true friendship, always lasts.

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