by HL Borden

Created on: September 14, 2008   Last Updated: July 12, 2009

I struggled with whether or not to write a list made up solely of activities, or if I should delve a little deeper into my being. My choice was pretty much made for me when I realized there aren't even ten things in this world that I want to do. Pretty sad, I guess. Some might call me apathetic; others, boring. In either case, to flesh out the list I HAVE to include the more weighty issues. I guess I may as well jump into this feet first.

1) I need to find out unequivocally whether or not I was molested as a young child. I hate to be one of those annoying, cliched, repressed memory chicks, but, well, I guess I am. My life was anything BUT "fine and dandy" before I got the first inkling that something may have happened when I was younger, but at least I could sleep at night without the constant nightmares. Now I awake from the same stomach-churning scenario night after night. The culprit? My own father.

I hate that I avoid spending time with him. I hate that I never call him. I hate that I have these doubts about him. But they are ever-present. I can't get the images out of my mind. How do I reconcile this? How does someone go up to their father and ask, "Did you molest me?" If all of these "memories" and fears are just some sort of mental interference; if he never touched me inappropriately; if I ever mention this to anyone and he turns out to be innocent, then I have destroyed a decent man's reputation.

So while this is top on my list, I do not think it will ever be resolved.

2) After all this emotional baggage talk, I need to unwind. It's roller coaster time! I never miss those A&E or Travel Channel specials on the best roller coasters in the world. I would give anything to ride every single one of them at least once. The shows often feature interviews with members of some elite Roller Coaster Enthusiasts club. Apparently, theme parks periodically close to the public for a day and grant access only to members of said club. No lines and special "backwards" coaster rides sure sounds like fun to me! I need to sniff out this club and get myself a membership.

3) Addiction to roller coasters is a fun thing. Addiction to drugs and alcohol? Not so fun. I have made huge strides in this area, but I am not perfect. I still have frequent lapses. In fact, I've had two beers today. But two beers is a lot better than twelve. There was a time, in my misguided attempt at curbing my drinking, when I would buy a six-pack of beer on my way home from work everyday. I

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