by Laurie Childree

Created on: September 13, 2008   Last Updated: April 08, 2012

You are fighting for your failing marriage because there are children involved that don't seem to understand. You put in every effort just to make sure you have done all you can do to save your marriage just for the children. Now why are you trying to save the marriage for the children? Is saving the marriage for the children a good idea?

Why saving your marriage for children isn't always a good idea is something that most people never think about while telling themselves that all their efforts are for the children. Sometimes letting go is the best thing that you can do for your children and realizing this isn't always easy because you are constantly bombarded by statistics that tell you children of single parent homes are more likely to do poorly in school or end up in prison.

Children raised in homes with both parents can do the same things; it's not a matter of how many parents raise a child or even if they are in the same home, it's a matter of making sure your child knows the values that you have and that they are willing to stand up for what's right no matter what the people around them might be doing.

Think about it you are fighting with your spouse constantly and whether you realize it or not your children are hearing you. They might not be saying anything to you but they know something is wrong and the stress that your marriage is under affects them as well. School work may suffer or they may just stop going out with friends in an effort to keep you from arguing. Is it fair for a child to be robbed of the time they have as children because you can't grow up or are afraid of being alone?

When you save your marriage for your children and justify it by what is best for them and the fact that you are afraid you can't provide for them as well on your own you shouldn't be saving your marriage. Staying out of fear isn't saving your marriage it's prolonging the inevitable.

Children raised in a home where parents are unhappy are also unhappy. They would rather enjoy the time they have with you doing things that are enjoyable to them instead of worrying that they are going to have to be referee for an argument. This isn't a fair position to put them in. Think back would you have wanted to be put in the middle of your parents' fights or would you rather they had gone separate ways?

While you might be willing to do anything for your children making yourself miserable is not a requirement to being a good parent. Children especially small children are sensitive to the feelings of those around them. You don't want to risk them thinking that you're miserable because of them. They will sometimes blame themselves and when you are miserable your energy is focused on being miserable and taken away from your child. This isn't fair to them or you.

It is easy to see why you shouldn't always save your marriage just for you children.

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