by Linda Shrigley

Created on: September 13, 2008

Why saving your marriage for the children isn't always a good idea

When a marriage is failing, there is not really very much you can do to save it. Couples try to stay together for the children's sake, but they are only making things worse for everyone. The tension is always there in the way you act towards each other, and the children. I think that at times it is harder on the children when the parents stay together, than if the parents were to separate, and have the children shared between them.

The reason I say that it is harder on the children, for the couple to stay together, is because I was married; my marriage fell apart because my husband was running around on me. I knew I could not forgive him, or trust him after that, so I moved out of our house, taking the children with me. The children missed their father so much that we thought we would try to patch things up, for their sake. It was not going to be easy, but I had to try for my children's benefit; I didn't like the way they were hurting inside because I had taken them away from their home, and father.

After my husband started cheating on me, he also became very possessive of me. He started calling every hour or so, making sure I was home. He laid down the law, forbidding me to take the children anywhere, unless he was with us. He would not even allow me to take the children out to the back yard playground of our apartment building. I'm not sure if it was me he mistrusted or him not wanting me to run into him while he was with the other woman in his life. He worked on a delivery truck, and was all over the city at all times during the day.

I moved back into the house, but not back into our bed, I slept on the sofa, and he slept in our bedroom. This only confused the children more. They were still quite young, and could not comprehend why mommy and daddy were not sleeping in the same room anymore. That was only one of the problems I encountered after I moved back into the house. The fact that we no longer cuddled up on the sofa to watch movies anymore, also caused the children grief. The tension was still heavy between my husband and I, and the children could sense that tension, but not understand what was going on. We never kissed each other anymore, and that was very unusual for the children, not to see us together, laughing, or touching at all. We had always help hands, kissed, cuddled up on the sofa, slept in the same room, etc.

The second time I moved out was the last. I would not try to save my

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