by Louise Nilon

Created on: September 13, 2008

Living in England I'm used to queuing, we Brits will queue for anything, sometimes we join queues just for the fun of it, because let's face it there's nothing more fun than standing in a line waiting is there?

There is one thing I never understand whilst queuing; why is it that no matter which till I queue at I always seem to find myself at the counter being run by the slowest checkout girl in the world? It's the girl who really shouldn't be working behind a counter, she's far too customer focused, so much so that even though shoppers have spent forty five minutes searching the aisles for the best deals she still tells them that the pack of sausages they've picked are buy one get one free. The old lady she's currently serving then decides she wants them, wonders back round the store to try and find them and holds up the entire queue for a further 10 minutes.

At this point I'm thinking about how best to kill the shop assistant. I could strangle her with my buy one get one free sausages, or maybe beat her to death with a tin of soup, anything just to shut her up, doesn't she realize if we only buy one of the buy one get one free products the shop makes more money the crazy, crazy helpful woman?

Eventually the old woman hobbles back with her free pack of sausages, by this time I've been queuing for 15 minutes and I'm considering petitioning the government to prevent the elderly from going out shopping during lunchtimes and on weekends. They can go any time they want during the day while you and I are at work but somehow they always choose to be queuing in front of me when I just have an hour to eat my lunch and buy the few bits I need from town.

Remain calm,' I think to myself, It's ok the crazy helpful lady has rung through the sausages, the old woman only has to pay, you'll be gone soon. But no! What's this? You have to be kidding me?!'

The old lady has reached into the bottom of her massive purse and has pulled out a bag of small change. She's meticulously counting out 19.74 in coins. At this point I'm thinking that I want to cry, surely this woman's behaviour should be illegal? I can feel a full mental breakdown approaching as I wait.

By the time the old lady has hobbled out of the shop I'm ready to explode. I cast the shop assistant a look that says don't push it.' She fails to pick up on this.

"You can get three of these for 5 you know"

"I only want one" I state in a warning tone.

"You'll save money if you"

"I only want one." I repeat.

In my head I've grabbed the shop assistant by the collar and am beating her head with the scanning gun shouting "How you gonna save me money now eh?! Sausages? I'll give you sausages!"

Yet externally I remain calm, just smiling and shaking my head politely.

She takes the hint finally "That'll be 5.49" she says.

I pay grab my stuff and get out of the shop as quickly as humanly possible. I may be used to queuing but that doesn't mean I like it.

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