by Becky Lane

Created on: September 12, 2008

TRADEOFFS

I suspect...no, I am certain, that some people resent the fact that I have mostly just worked part-time. I'm not sure how to explain this without going on the defensive and making excuses. All I can say is, we've tried it all three ways, and this is what worked best for us.

As many women discovered, once the 60's allowed them to move into the workplace right alongside their husbands, balancing any kind of professional life with home, family, relationships and creative pursuits, is a very difficult juggling act indeed. Balancing two high-powered careers, where both partners are expected to work extreme hours, and to pull up stakes and move at the drop of a hat, is next to impossible, especially if kids are involved.

Twice now, when we have been living in Indonesia, I haven't been able to work at all. I was somewhat unhappy because I was bored, and felt like I was wasting my talents and my brain. I resented feeling like a kept woman, and having to ask my husband for money, just to buy him a gift. I also felt presumptuous making financial suggestions, even though, of the two of us, I was much better at budgeting and saving. The odd thing is that my husband also resented my jobless status, even though it was entirely his fault! Once again I had dropped everything to follow him to the ends of the earth, because it was important for the advancement of his career. We were making more money than we knew what to do with, despite my lack of contribution. Most importantly, I had no choice whatsoever in the matter, because we wives weren't allowed to obtain work permits in Indonesia. Although most families we knew there had two or three live in employees, to take care of their every need, I chose to do all my own cooking and child-raising, and made do with one part-time helper. Still, hubby left for work feeling pissy each morning, though he had a fairly good sense of humor about it.

On the other hand, when we came back to the states the first time, before we had kids, and I finally was able to take a job related to my degree, that opened up a whole different can of worms. I had majored in Clothing, Textiles and Fashion Merchandising, and my first job was managing a clothing store. I absolutely loved it in the beginning. For one thing, I discovered that I was really good at it. I adored doing the displays, and merchandising the store. I had a knack for handling my teen-aged employees, enjoyed being treated with such respect, and I really got off on receiving both

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