by Virginia Gaces

Created on: September 12, 2008   Last Updated: March 05, 2011

Betrayal of trust is one of the major infractions that one partner can do to another. Infidelity is one of the major, unforgivable offenses. This ends usually in a bitter divorce.

Can a couple save their marriage after infidelity? This question involves a more profound analysis of the situation. People, who had vowed to love each other, do not just commit infidelity without a reason. The reason maybe an emotional need or a physical need that the other partner was not able to fulfill.

Whatever reasons the erring partner has, there is no valid excuse for infidelity. If one cannot remain faithful to a partner, then one should step out of the relationship and pursue the affair. Marriage entails commitment and faithfulness. Without these two significant factors, a marriage is bound to fail.

If couples want to save their marriage after the infidelity, the following are steps that could be instituted:

1. Acceptance:
The offender should be able to accept that he/she has done wrong. He should ask forgiveness and understand the gravity of his/her offense. Restoring one's trust is not an overnight process.

2. Decision to work it out:
This could only be done when they still love each other - even after the betrayal. The couple should voluntarily decide to give their marriage a second chance. There should be no other reason for them to go on, but love. True love can heal everything and anything.

3. Heart to heart talk
The aggrieved partner may want to know the details of the affair. The offender should be willing to answer all the questions and the reasons why he/she had gone into an affair. This is the least that the offender can do.

4. Sever all ties with the person concerned
This is very important and very complicated, especially if the person is a relative or a close friend. The couple may decide to change residence to avoid contact with the person. It is always safe not "to tempt the Gods". Being physically distant from the person concerned would help a lot in healing the wounds of betrayal.

5. Support group or counseling
The couple may need a support group or may go into counseling. The aggrieved partner should understand that the offender is also under a stage of withdrawal and pain. He/she may feel frustrated, guilty and sometimes may even feel like he/she was the victim. This is where counseling could help a lot.

6. Forgiveness, understanding and love
In the end, it boils down to understanding and loving the person who committed the infraction. The aggrieved partner should be willing to forgive and forget and move on from that phase of betrayal to a building up phase of forgiveness, understanding and love. Love is forgiving and understanding.

Restoring the bond of trust is never easy, but it is not impossible when two people decide that they still love each other enough, to move on and repair what is left of the marriage.

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