by Jill Jacks

Created on: September 12, 2008

When couples fall out of love they may elect to stay married for a variety of reasons such as the marriage vow of for better or worse, religious convictions, or for financial reasons. One other reason couples will stay married despite loss of love is for the sake of the children.

Understandably parents want to put their childrens' welfare before their own. Couples now recognize that they each have a role in raising the children. Healthy development of children requires the benefits of having both a mother and a father as each offers something unique.

While it is applaudable that these parents are sincere in taking child rearing responsibilities seriously there are other factors parents should take into consideration. While having both a mother and a father participate in raising the children is important it is equally important that the children gain knowledge and learn specific skills in regard to relationships.

By this I am refering to love, stability, honesty, affection, and respect. These are not features commonly displayed by couples who are no longer in love with one another. More often what the children see is anger, disrespect, lack of affection, raised voices, and disagreements.

Children will watch their parents to see what marriage and love is suposed to look like. If they are raised in a household where parents yell at each other they will view this as a normal part of love relationships.

As much as parents may wish to do the right thing, which they believe means sticking it out for the childrens' sake, it is not a reasonable expectation to teach their children the importance of family and love relationships when the parents are no longer in love. That is the equivelant of faking it. Unfortunately most couples are just not that good of actors.

It is important to teach children about responsibility, commitment, and love but it is equally important to teach children the other components of relationships such as stability and integrity. Even if the parents do a good job acting it would not be the same as seeing the real deal.

Children live in the real world which is an imperfect world. The best thing parents can do for their children is to own up to their mistakes. Admit that their relationship has failed and instead teach their children that there is life after divorce and that parents even though they have divorced can still be mature, reasonable, and loving.

Parents need to be able to communicate with each other after a divorce for their childrens' sake.

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