by Cynthia Wall

Created on: September 11, 2008

I was listening on the radio one morning when a man was telling about his recent loss of a dog. He said he was stopped in the hall at work by a co-worker who said, "Hey, how are you?" and he replied, "My dog just died." The co-worker mumbled something about "too bad" and continued down the hall. The man caught up to him and said, " You must not have heard me; I said my dog just died."

If you're not an animal lover, you don't get the depth of what that means, but for those of us who are that statement brings up images of every pet we've ever lost. Pets are more than just animals who share our house and yard. The ones we bond with are confidantes, companions, and guardians. From the elderly person who lives alone and depends on his cat for friendship to the sheep herder in the field who couldn't do his job without his herding dog, or the person with a Seeing Eye dog who depends upon it for every step, our lives are intertwined with the animals who hold places in our hearts. More than one person has confessed to finding it more difficult to lose a beloved pet than a parent. The non-animal people may scoff at that and label it as sick, but if you think about the amount of time that a person may spend with a pet, it's not so hard to understand.

I've owned dogs and cats all my life and so naturally they have all died at the end of their lifespans. It's always been difficult but back in the days when we had children at home and were both working full-time, I had less time to reflect on the loss. The two dogs we've lost since our retirement have caused much more pain because they were in effect our children. We took them everywhere, talked to them, taught them to carry messages from one of us to the other, and comforted us in whatever we asked.

I found bereavement counseling online when our border collie died. Actually, I found it before she died from other dog owners whose pets were battling lymphoma as ours was. They wrote to me about when was the time to put her to sleep and they offered reassurances after we had. We exchanged photos and stories of our beloved pets. It's so necessary to be able to tell people what your pet meant to you. While the days after each pet's death were terribly sad, the comforting words of others made them easier.

Our local humane society offers pet bereavement classes. A bereavement class is an excellent place to go for comfort, for understanding, and just plain knowing that it's okay to feel the way you do. It's also helpful to hear the stories of other bereaved owners and how they knew when it was time to adopt another pet.

The alternative to dealing with grief is isolating oneself from love. The more painful the loss, the more difficult it is to commit to loving an animal again, knowing the inevitable outcome of their short lifespans against ours. But being afraid to love is similar to being afraid to live. A life accompanied by four-footed friends is so much fuller, so much more meaningful than a life alone. Pet bereavement counseling can not only heal the sorrow but lead us back into a happier phase of life.

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