by Joyce M. George-Knight

Created on: September 11, 2008

The loss of life of a loved one is the most difficult hurdle to even approach, let alone to get over. If death is sudden, the shock alone takes awhile to penetrate the being of the survivors and their friends. Whether to obtain grief counseling or not is an individual decision. However, if someone has never attended such sessions, they do not begin to comprehend how beneficial such guidance can be for healing and moving on with life.

Initially when my husband passed suddenly from a massive heart attack, the shock immobilized me. When ambulance attendants, police and the Medical Examiner came and repeatedly asked me the same questions, I was full of nothingness. Though I've not experienced a true "out of body" happening, it must be like what I was feeling at that time. I viewed what was happening, heard others talk, but I did not feel like I was there taking part in the moment.

This state of being somewhere else lasted for awhile. Though I went through the motions, as I was directed by others, I simply could not think for myself. This alone was a terrifying feeling. The "me" I knew was off somewhere in a kind of never-neverland.

When I began group counseling, it helped to know that others understood my feelings and fears. After all, living alone after almost 3 decades of marriage was more fearful than walking into a totally darkened house. Decisions had been made by both of us and now my other half, from whom I could always seek advice and suggestions, was not here.

Through our counseling discussions, I began to emerge from this pit that had been holding me captive. My inner strength surfaced a surprise to my children and myself. My husband had always handled matters that were now in my hands. So this strength, that I realized to organize material things in my life, along with paying bills and deciding the best place to live, was amazing.

Without group counseling, it would have taken much longer for healing to begin. Perhaps the biggest obstacle was guilt. All the "I should haves" had taken precedence, that is until I accepted that there was absolutely nothing I could have done to change the end result. The concept of "moving on" and creating a new life just for me would have taken even longer still. The reality that "our dreams" were never to occur was a heartbreaker.

Since counseling, my best reward, besides independence and being myself, has been a serene and peaceful feeling that I have never experienced in my 60+ years. Moving on with life is agreeing with me and my family. We have been blessed and so will you.

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